Guess who's back? Back again. Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun is back. He's your friend. Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back...
On a scale of "Very" to "Painfully So," how sorely was I missed? Keep it to yourself. I instinctively know the answer. Anyway, my new Macbook came in the mail today. Her name is Precious (hi, Nance), and she is incredible. I use a Mac at work, and all it ever does is emanate joy, all day. Getting used to the new keyboard and mouse is going to take some doing, but all in all, I'm wicked satisfied. For the first time in years, for whatever reason, I can put a computer on my lap and say "I don't think this thing is making me sterile."
But in the meantime, the days of wandering alone in the desert, not being able to Wikipedia the F out of every inane detail I see on TV, not being able to shoot the breeze with every Tom, Dick, and Harry on my buddy list, and having instant access to every score of every game ever are over. So buckle up, apply your tangerine lip gloss, and put on your crazy-fun pants, because there are plenty more posts about the foul machinations of the MBTA, how I do my laundry, and dopey TV shows in your future. Dearest readers, it's good to be back.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
Where am I?
Dear Treasured Readers:
So my computer is busted. And I don't mean like, I need to defragment the hard drive or get a new fan. I mean I turn this thing on, and there's nothing. I would say it's about as useful as a paperweight, but I don't even have papers to weigh down, because all of my documents are on the computer that no longer works! Argh! So the bad news is that I haven't posted in a while, and I might not with any regularity for some time (I'm on my computer at work right now [but not billing this time, because I'm ethical!]) Keep dreaming that I'm gonna stay late and post on my blog while it's 80 degrees and sunny here in the Hub.
The good news is, I'm in the market for a new computer, and I'm making the leap to a Mac. So with a shiny new computer, I have a pretty good feeling that Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun will be coming back shinier and newer than ever. So good day, readers, and until that day comes, keep your ear to the grindstone.
So my computer is busted. And I don't mean like, I need to defragment the hard drive or get a new fan. I mean I turn this thing on, and there's nothing. I would say it's about as useful as a paperweight, but I don't even have papers to weigh down, because all of my documents are on the computer that no longer works! Argh! So the bad news is that I haven't posted in a while, and I might not with any regularity for some time (I'm on my computer at work right now [but not billing this time, because I'm ethical!]) Keep dreaming that I'm gonna stay late and post on my blog while it's 80 degrees and sunny here in the Hub.
The good news is, I'm in the market for a new computer, and I'm making the leap to a Mac. So with a shiny new computer, I have a pretty good feeling that Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun will be coming back shinier and newer than ever. So good day, readers, and until that day comes, keep your ear to the grindstone.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
I Hate That Dirty Water, part 2
Take a look at this.
That's the walk outside my office. This is what I saw upon leaving work today. It's a camera phone photo, so you might not see it clearly. Let me paint a picture with words.
IT'S SNOW!
Check the date on this post. It's April. My coworker summed it up nicely when he said that winter had it's chance. We shouldn't be punished because it only started snowing in February. This slushy, icy, wet mess is not acceptable spring weather. This sucks. Snow in April makes me hate that dirty water.
And for those wily readers, trying to trap me in my own web of lies and contradictions (I'm referring to those who read my post about stoicism, about how one shouldn't let factors out of one's control to disturb one), my response is, well, you're right. I'm a filthy hypocrite. But who among you, especially those living in the Hub of the Universe, isn't vexed, nay, perturbed by this freakish weather? I say none!
That's the walk outside my office. This is what I saw upon leaving work today. It's a camera phone photo, so you might not see it clearly. Let me paint a picture with words.
IT'S SNOW!
Check the date on this post. It's April. My coworker summed it up nicely when he said that winter had it's chance. We shouldn't be punished because it only started snowing in February. This slushy, icy, wet mess is not acceptable spring weather. This sucks. Snow in April makes me hate that dirty water.
And for those wily readers, trying to trap me in my own web of lies and contradictions (I'm referring to those who read my post about stoicism, about how one shouldn't let factors out of one's control to disturb one), my response is, well, you're right. I'm a filthy hypocrite. But who among you, especially those living in the Hub of the Universe, isn't vexed, nay, perturbed by this freakish weather? I say none!
FNL commentary
Did I really not post a Friday Night Lights commentary last week? What's wrong with me?
1. This actually draws on last week, but I can mention it because Street ran into Tattoo Girl (does anyone remember her name? They should say it more often). Did anyone not see him becoming an assistant coach like, from a mile away? Not that I'm complaining. Much to contrary. I wish Jason Street was my assistant life coach. But this was more predictable than Superman coming back to life, or a stacked Kansas team blowing it in this year's NCAA tournament. It was a logical choice!
2. Also, in case I've never made this clear, Street is the man. But my buddy brings up a good point: how does he get in his truck when he's by himself? I'm sure his folks help him when he's at home, but what about when it's just him and that other wheelchair guy? I think we deserve to know what's happening here. This detail, should it go unresolved, threatens to take me completely out of the narrative.
3. Bo is right. Him and Riggins are "obviously buds." So why is his mom salting Timmy's game?
4. Is anything going to be made of the fact that, since Saracen knows his girlfriend is moving, that he must know that Coach Taylor won't be with the team next season? That's going to affect his game, isn't it?
5. Landry is getting in over his head, and I don't know if it'll end well. But you have to lead with the heart. I applaude him.
6. What didn't make the roast: So, how about Smash's girlfriend being bipolar? So, how about Buddy Garrity's family breaking up? So, how about Coach Taylor leaving the team and his family back in Dillon? So, how about Street cheating on his fiancee? Good thing, too. That event could have been a real collar-puller.
1. This actually draws on last week, but I can mention it because Street ran into Tattoo Girl (does anyone remember her name? They should say it more often). Did anyone not see him becoming an assistant coach like, from a mile away? Not that I'm complaining. Much to contrary. I wish Jason Street was my assistant life coach. But this was more predictable than Superman coming back to life, or a stacked Kansas team blowing it in this year's NCAA tournament. It was a logical choice!
2. Also, in case I've never made this clear, Street is the man. But my buddy brings up a good point: how does he get in his truck when he's by himself? I'm sure his folks help him when he's at home, but what about when it's just him and that other wheelchair guy? I think we deserve to know what's happening here. This detail, should it go unresolved, threatens to take me completely out of the narrative.
3. Bo is right. Him and Riggins are "obviously buds." So why is his mom salting Timmy's game?
4. Is anything going to be made of the fact that, since Saracen knows his girlfriend is moving, that he must know that Coach Taylor won't be with the team next season? That's going to affect his game, isn't it?
5. Landry is getting in over his head, and I don't know if it'll end well. But you have to lead with the heart. I applaude him.
6. What didn't make the roast: So, how about Smash's girlfriend being bipolar? So, how about Buddy Garrity's family breaking up? So, how about Coach Taylor leaving the team and his family back in Dillon? So, how about Street cheating on his fiancee? Good thing, too. That event could have been a real collar-puller.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Chill factor
There's a lot about Stoic philosophy that is, to quote Pliny the Younger, absolute and total hogwash. However, comma, there's a little bit from Epictetus's Enchiridion that I've always carried with with me. He goes: "And when you call your servant, consider that it is possible he may not come at your call; or, if he does, that he may not do what you wish. But it is not at all desirable for him, and very undesirable for you, that it should be in his power to cause you any disturbance."
So what does this have to do with anything? As with most posts, dear reader, I'm writing about an experience I had on the T. I was approaching the trolley at the BC stop. The train was stopped and the doors were closed. I could tell that the T light was about to turn green, so, like the savvy urban mover that I am, I just hung around. Enter some girl, and her pal, running from across the street, struggling like mites against the unchanging, unchangeable, irresistible force of the T schedule. Suffice it to say, the train left the station as they screeched to a halt right outside the door.
Hoo boy. You'd think this girl had dropped a bag of groceries in the sewer, the way she carried on, screaming and cursing about how bad the T sucks. She was legitimately upset! I think she took it personally!
I wanted to put a shoulder around her and say "Just chill, man. There'll be another T." That's the thing about the T. It's fickle, it's capricious, there's no predicting where it's gonna go. So why let it bother you? If you let the T bother you, if you yield beneath the crushing juggernaut of its whimsy, you'll lead a horribly resentful, spiteful life. It's not in your interest to let the T cause you any disturbance.
And for any wily readers looking back and trying to catch me in my own rhetorical web of lies and contradictions, I am, as ever, 18 steps ahead of you. (I'm referring to my previous post railing against change-payers on the T). You see, there's no controlling the actual, physical T trains. When that light turns green, that T has to go. It's just the way it is. However, control can be exerted over change-payers, on many levels. A guy like me can take up the cause and proselytize against the evils of change-paying. The change-payers can hear the message and realize the error of their ways and convert. The MBTA can eliminate the change option altogether. Get my point? It is in my interest to let this issue disturb me, because from that disturbance groweth change. Pun intended.
So what does this have to do with anything? As with most posts, dear reader, I'm writing about an experience I had on the T. I was approaching the trolley at the BC stop. The train was stopped and the doors were closed. I could tell that the T light was about to turn green, so, like the savvy urban mover that I am, I just hung around. Enter some girl, and her pal, running from across the street, struggling like mites against the unchanging, unchangeable, irresistible force of the T schedule. Suffice it to say, the train left the station as they screeched to a halt right outside the door.
Hoo boy. You'd think this girl had dropped a bag of groceries in the sewer, the way she carried on, screaming and cursing about how bad the T sucks. She was legitimately upset! I think she took it personally!
I wanted to put a shoulder around her and say "Just chill, man. There'll be another T." That's the thing about the T. It's fickle, it's capricious, there's no predicting where it's gonna go. So why let it bother you? If you let the T bother you, if you yield beneath the crushing juggernaut of its whimsy, you'll lead a horribly resentful, spiteful life. It's not in your interest to let the T cause you any disturbance.
And for any wily readers looking back and trying to catch me in my own rhetorical web of lies and contradictions, I am, as ever, 18 steps ahead of you. (I'm referring to my previous post railing against change-payers on the T). You see, there's no controlling the actual, physical T trains. When that light turns green, that T has to go. It's just the way it is. However, control can be exerted over change-payers, on many levels. A guy like me can take up the cause and proselytize against the evils of change-paying. The change-payers can hear the message and realize the error of their ways and convert. The MBTA can eliminate the change option altogether. Get my point? It is in my interest to let this issue disturb me, because from that disturbance groweth change. Pun intended.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
FNL commentary
Friday Night Lights is back, baby! It really makes me think what I've been doing for the past few Wednesday nights. Oh wait, I remember. I went and hung out with friends. Imagine that, socializing on a weeknight. Thank goodness I could bask in TV's glowing warm glow.
Full disclosure: I got mad phone calls tonight (my brother asking for some help with English homework? Could anyone have ever imagined that a degree in English would come in handy?), so I missed some key moments. Sorry, folks.
1. Street isn't good enough to be on the national murderball team? Are these coaches blind? He may be adjusting to being handicapped, but I'll tell you one thing that isn't handicapped: his leadership. There are intangible qualities that can't be measured with a stopwatch, Coach. This guy is like Captain America. He can't be stopped. Oh, wait...
2. Also, that tattoo girl (her name will come to me eventually) becomes more of a severe cutie every week. Just like every week, 24 tests my liberal ideology (ie, in real life, we really shouldn't be torturing people, while in 24 life, Jack can't put an ice pick in some terrorist's spine fast enough. It's a paradox, or something), FNL tests my views on snakery (ie, in real life, you can't cheat on your girlfriend! But in Friday Night Lights life, Lyla Garrity is kind of a ho. And everything Street touches turns to gold. So, you know, he can do what he wants).
3. Timmy Riggins, dude. He's got the kavorka. Nuff said.
4. My buddy brings up a wonderful point: do the Dillon Panthers play uh, football any more? Exactly what are those Friday Night Lights shining on? Not that teen drama doesn't entice me (and if The OC has taught me anything, it is that, in fact, it does), but come on. Football drama is something everyone can get behind.
Full disclosure: I got mad phone calls tonight (my brother asking for some help with English homework? Could anyone have ever imagined that a degree in English would come in handy?), so I missed some key moments. Sorry, folks.
1. Street isn't good enough to be on the national murderball team? Are these coaches blind? He may be adjusting to being handicapped, but I'll tell you one thing that isn't handicapped: his leadership. There are intangible qualities that can't be measured with a stopwatch, Coach. This guy is like Captain America. He can't be stopped. Oh, wait...
2. Also, that tattoo girl (her name will come to me eventually) becomes more of a severe cutie every week. Just like every week, 24 tests my liberal ideology (ie, in real life, we really shouldn't be torturing people, while in 24 life, Jack can't put an ice pick in some terrorist's spine fast enough. It's a paradox, or something), FNL tests my views on snakery (ie, in real life, you can't cheat on your girlfriend! But in Friday Night Lights life, Lyla Garrity is kind of a ho. And everything Street touches turns to gold. So, you know, he can do what he wants).
3. Timmy Riggins, dude. He's got the kavorka. Nuff said.
4. My buddy brings up a wonderful point: do the Dillon Panthers play uh, football any more? Exactly what are those Friday Night Lights shining on? Not that teen drama doesn't entice me (and if The OC has taught me anything, it is that, in fact, it does), but come on. Football drama is something everyone can get behind.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Tim le Fataliste
I understand how much of a fatalistic phenomenon sports fandom is. My roommate was born in Philly, so he's cursed to root for teams that haven't won a championship in the entire tenure of recorded history, while I was born in the heart of the tri-state, so I get to root for teams like the Yankees and the Devils. Fair? No, but thems the shakes. Of course, if you're not particularly a fan of a given sport, it doesn't make a difference, does it? Who cares what cricket team I choose to follow, and who cares if I switch teams?
And so we arrive at professional basketball. I used to root for the Knicks (because my older brother did). Then I started to root for the Nets (because, honestly, they were the better team, and going away to college caused the Jersey pride in me to germinate). Now that I'm in a new phase of my life (the quasi-autonomous semi-adult phase), I'm thinking it's time for a change. And, dearest readers, I need your help.
Here's the rationale: the Nets aren't going to be from New Jersey pretty soon, going back to the Knicks would be akin to coming home with my tail between my legs, and, like it or not, there's a little bit of Boston in my blood (just look at my driver's license). I'm not going to choose some team willy-nilly, like the Suns or the Bobcats. So I have three possible teams to choose from, and I have no idea what to do. Here's the tale of the tape.
The Nets - I can't lie, it doesn't look promising for the Nets. I always liked Jason Kidd. Now that they'll be moving to Brooklyn, and probably won't keep the Kidd, there ain't a whole lot keeping me attached to this franchise. Then again, Brooklyn is a pretty dominant spot, and the Roc will be in the building. Hopefully, the unis will be hot.
The Knicks - A safe bet to go back to, recent history aside. Dude, I remember those playoff series again the Pacers, Bulls, and Heat...those were good times. They made the playoffs for like, 14 straight seasons! We took it for granted, it's true. And some turncoats jumped ship once the sailing got rough. I'm shaking my fist menacingly at them right now. All kidding aside, the NBA's marquee franchise can't stay crappy forever, right? Right?
The Celtics - I would never root for the Red Sox, Bruins, or Patriots. But is there a huge problem with picking up the Celtics? They have a rich history, and green is my favorite color. I don't plan on living in Boston forever, and it'd be nice to keep a little piece of the Hub with me. You could never accuse me of choosing a team at the height of their success, either. Look at these jamokes: they suck.
I'll be mulling this decision for a while, so any input would be great. You all are the best.
And so we arrive at professional basketball. I used to root for the Knicks (because my older brother did). Then I started to root for the Nets (because, honestly, they were the better team, and going away to college caused the Jersey pride in me to germinate). Now that I'm in a new phase of my life (the quasi-autonomous semi-adult phase), I'm thinking it's time for a change. And, dearest readers, I need your help.
Here's the rationale: the Nets aren't going to be from New Jersey pretty soon, going back to the Knicks would be akin to coming home with my tail between my legs, and, like it or not, there's a little bit of Boston in my blood (just look at my driver's license). I'm not going to choose some team willy-nilly, like the Suns or the Bobcats. So I have three possible teams to choose from, and I have no idea what to do. Here's the tale of the tape.
The Nets - I can't lie, it doesn't look promising for the Nets. I always liked Jason Kidd. Now that they'll be moving to Brooklyn, and probably won't keep the Kidd, there ain't a whole lot keeping me attached to this franchise. Then again, Brooklyn is a pretty dominant spot, and the Roc will be in the building. Hopefully, the unis will be hot.
The Knicks - A safe bet to go back to, recent history aside. Dude, I remember those playoff series again the Pacers, Bulls, and Heat...those were good times. They made the playoffs for like, 14 straight seasons! We took it for granted, it's true. And some turncoats jumped ship once the sailing got rough. I'm shaking my fist menacingly at them right now. All kidding aside, the NBA's marquee franchise can't stay crappy forever, right? Right?
The Celtics - I would never root for the Red Sox, Bruins, or Patriots. But is there a huge problem with picking up the Celtics? They have a rich history, and green is my favorite color. I don't plan on living in Boston forever, and it'd be nice to keep a little piece of the Hub with me. You could never accuse me of choosing a team at the height of their success, either. Look at these jamokes: they suck.
I'll be mulling this decision for a while, so any input would be great. You all are the best.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Suffering from bracketosis, part 2
Is it kinda weird that this is the second part, but it's above the first part, so you'll see the first part second? I think it's weird.
East
1 North Carolina v. 16 Eastern Kentucky - You'd think that, playing in the East region, the team with East in its name would have a distinct advantage. Or maybe you would never think that. Oh well. The pick: North Carolina
8 Marquette v. 9 Michigan State - I know Marquette is good, but it makes me feel like I know what I'm talking about when I say "I'll always take the well-coached team with a superstar player in the first round." The pick: Michigan State
5 University of Southern California v. 12 Arkansas - There must be a reason why everyone is saying "Arkansas got into the tournament? Really?" I'll believe the incredulity of everyone. The pick: USC
4 Texas v. 13 New Mexico State - Bill Simmons has Kevin Durant penciled in for 74 points, 33 rebounds, and 26 assists, as well as a cure for malaria and the ability of flight. No joke. The pick: Texas
6 Vanderbilt v. 11 The George Washington University - Hmm...let's see. Tennessee was the 16th state to enter the Union, while the District of Columbia was...wait, DC isn't a state? Don't they pay taxes? Ok, good. Wait, what? The citizens of DC don't have representation in Congress? Let's throw these people a bone. The pick: George Washington
3 Washington State v. 14 Oral Roberts - As much as I'd love to choose a team named Oral Roberts to win, 14 over 3 seems kinda ludicrous. The pick: Washington State
7 The Boston College v. 10 Texas Tech - This feels like a slam dunk upset. But I would feel ghoulish to pick my own school to be upset in the first round. It's like the song goes, "I'm still the optimist, though it is hard." The pick: Boston College
2 Georgetown v. 15 Belmont - ...which will set up an epic second round "The Only Two Schools That Even Smelled Like They Wanted Me To Go There" matchup. The pick: Georgetown
South
1 Ohio State v. 16 Central Connecticut State - If you're not aware of my antagonism toward the state of Connecticutt, let this be your first taste. The pick: Ohio State
8 Brigham Young University v. 9 Xavier - Let's dispense with the mascots for a sec, and move on to religious founders. Would you really take a guy named Joe Smith over Saint Ignatius of Loyola? Get outta here. The pick: Xavier
5 Tennessee v. 12 Long Beach State - I have no idea about this matchup, but I do know that Bruce Pearl's lame all-game full-court screwed BC while he was coaching Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Nice job earning my eternal ire. The pick: Long Beach State
4 Virginia v. 13 Albany - I was in a ski lodge with a bunch of poor Vermont fans as they watched their team get beat by Albany. They seemed like cool enough dudes. This one's for you guys. The pick: Virginia
6 Louisville v. 11 Stanford - Remember that season where Stanford went like, undefeated? Did that happen, or am I just imagining it? What happened to them? They seem like they're not so good any more. Can you tell I really pay attention to this stuff? The pick: Louisville
3 Texas Agricultural and Mechanical University v. 11 University of Pennsylvania - I'm a big Acie Law IV guy. Unfortunately, I feel like his fate isn't completely in his hands. I don't mean basketball. I mean like, life. Imagine this guy grows up and has a kid. He's gotta name him Acie Law V. He doesn't have a choice. Even if he has like, ten other better names in mind, he can't undo the work of four generations that came before him. That's sad. The pick: Texas A&M
7 Nevada v. 10 Creighton - I don't like Nick Fazekas for some reason. It may be because he's been in school for like, 12 years. The pick: Creighton
2 Memphis v. 15 North Texas - How much wittier can I be at this point? I have nothing to say about either of these teams. I don't think North Texas is gonna be the team to beat Memphis. I just don't. The pick: Memphis
East
1 North Carolina v. 16 Eastern Kentucky - You'd think that, playing in the East region, the team with East in its name would have a distinct advantage. Or maybe you would never think that. Oh well. The pick: North Carolina
8 Marquette v. 9 Michigan State - I know Marquette is good, but it makes me feel like I know what I'm talking about when I say "I'll always take the well-coached team with a superstar player in the first round." The pick: Michigan State
5 University of Southern California v. 12 Arkansas - There must be a reason why everyone is saying "Arkansas got into the tournament? Really?" I'll believe the incredulity of everyone. The pick: USC
4 Texas v. 13 New Mexico State - Bill Simmons has Kevin Durant penciled in for 74 points, 33 rebounds, and 26 assists, as well as a cure for malaria and the ability of flight. No joke. The pick: Texas
6 Vanderbilt v. 11 The George Washington University - Hmm...let's see. Tennessee was the 16th state to enter the Union, while the District of Columbia was...wait, DC isn't a state? Don't they pay taxes? Ok, good. Wait, what? The citizens of DC don't have representation in Congress? Let's throw these people a bone. The pick: George Washington
3 Washington State v. 14 Oral Roberts - As much as I'd love to choose a team named Oral Roberts to win, 14 over 3 seems kinda ludicrous. The pick: Washington State
7 The Boston College v. 10 Texas Tech - This feels like a slam dunk upset. But I would feel ghoulish to pick my own school to be upset in the first round. It's like the song goes, "I'm still the optimist, though it is hard." The pick: Boston College
2 Georgetown v. 15 Belmont - ...which will set up an epic second round "The Only Two Schools That Even Smelled Like They Wanted Me To Go There" matchup. The pick: Georgetown
South
1 Ohio State v. 16 Central Connecticut State - If you're not aware of my antagonism toward the state of Connecticutt, let this be your first taste. The pick: Ohio State
8 Brigham Young University v. 9 Xavier - Let's dispense with the mascots for a sec, and move on to religious founders. Would you really take a guy named Joe Smith over Saint Ignatius of Loyola? Get outta here. The pick: Xavier
5 Tennessee v. 12 Long Beach State - I have no idea about this matchup, but I do know that Bruce Pearl's lame all-game full-court screwed BC while he was coaching Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Nice job earning my eternal ire. The pick: Long Beach State
4 Virginia v. 13 Albany - I was in a ski lodge with a bunch of poor Vermont fans as they watched their team get beat by Albany. They seemed like cool enough dudes. This one's for you guys. The pick: Virginia
6 Louisville v. 11 Stanford - Remember that season where Stanford went like, undefeated? Did that happen, or am I just imagining it? What happened to them? They seem like they're not so good any more. Can you tell I really pay attention to this stuff? The pick: Louisville
3 Texas Agricultural and Mechanical University v. 11 University of Pennsylvania - I'm a big Acie Law IV guy. Unfortunately, I feel like his fate isn't completely in his hands. I don't mean basketball. I mean like, life. Imagine this guy grows up and has a kid. He's gotta name him Acie Law V. He doesn't have a choice. Even if he has like, ten other better names in mind, he can't undo the work of four generations that came before him. That's sad. The pick: Texas A&M
7 Nevada v. 10 Creighton - I don't like Nick Fazekas for some reason. It may be because he's been in school for like, 12 years. The pick: Creighton
2 Memphis v. 15 North Texas - How much wittier can I be at this point? I have nothing to say about either of these teams. I don't think North Texas is gonna be the team to beat Memphis. I just don't. The pick: Memphis
Suffering from bracketosis
Does anyone feel confident with any pick they could possibly make in this NCAA tournament? No? I thought so.
I really have no clue, so let's go through this thing together. I'll start off by going through the 32 games of the first round, and, if I'm not exhausted by the end, we'll do the rest of the tournament.
A few guiding principles:
1) Obviously, as a dude, I have a working knowledge of college basketball, so my first instinct will be to fall back on thatwhen making a pick. But I'm no expert, so in the event that I'm stumped, I'll pick based on criterion number...
B) Which team's state ratified the Constitution first? (sorry, University of Alaska-Fairbanks). However, comma, we can all imagine a situation where two teams from the same state face off (like that much anticipated Old Dominion-Virginia Commonwealth matchup), so if that happens, we'll move to our final criterion...
3) Which team's mascot would lose in a vicious, no-holds barred street brawl? The reason I say "lose" is twofold: firstly, the whole "pick the mascot that would win in a fight thing" is hackneyed and trite, and if there's one thing I ain't, it's hackneyed and trite (says the twentysomething male writing a blog about his NCAA tournament picks). Secondly, imagine if Kansas played Kentucky. Would you really feel comfortable picking the Wildcats over the Jayhawks? The law of the jungle says you should, but the law of the hardwood says you'd be an idiot. I'm sure there's just as many conflicts the other way, but I have confidence in my Constitution-based picking mechanism.
On with the picks. Let's start with the Midwest, shall we?
1 Florida v. 16 Jackson State - Normally, my "If a school's state was conquered by the guy that the other school is named after" corollary applies, but in this case, it's superceded by the "You'd sooner see Abraham Lincoln ride into your bedroom on a rhinoceros than see a 16 beat a 1" postulate. Sorry, JSU. The pick: Florida
8 Arizona v. 9 Purdue - Hall of Fame coach versus a 9 seed that everyone admits comes from a crummy conference? You do the math. The pick: Arizona
5 Butler v. 12 Old Dominion - I remember a couple years ago when BC got jerked out of being in the tournament, but crappy Butler got in. Vengeance is mine! The pick: Old Dominion
4 Maryland v. 13 Davidson - Before we moved to the Atlantic Coast Conference, I was a big Maryland guy. They deserve my love. This one is for you, Big Kahuna. The pick: Maryland
6 Notre Dame v. 11 Winthrop - Everyone is saying that Winthrop could be this year's George Mason. My question is: does anyone remember who George Mason was "this year's" version of? I forget. And I think that means something. The pick: Notre Dame
3 Oregon v. 14 Miami (Ohio) - There's a Miami in Ohio? I guess you really do learn something every day. The pick: Oregon
7 University of Nevada-Las Vegas v. 10 Georgia Tech - A team I never pay attention to versus a team that I forgot was in the ACC until we played them in our last game of the season? Georgia Tech might be a 10-seed, but its state is a 4-seed in the Entering the Union tournament. The pick: Georgia Tech
2 Wisconsin v. 15 Texas Agricultural and Mechanical University-Corpus Christi - TAMU-CC is a nice little story, but the clock is striking midnight for this Cinderella (ugh...punch me in the face). The pick: Wisconsin
West
1 Kansas v. 16 Play-In U - Move along, folks. Nothing to see here. The pick: Kansas
8 Kentucky v. 9 Villanova - I think these guys are going to win at least one game for Tubby Smith's job. He won a national championship, people! The pick: Kentucky
5 Virginia Tech v. 12 Illinois - As my roommate just said, Virginia Tech is a very inconsistent team...just like every other team in the damn tournament. I'll pick against the team reeling from the loss of its racist mascot any day of the week. The pick: Virginia Tech
4 Southern Illinois v. 13 Holy Cross - Southern Illinois is a 4, and Virginia Tech is a 5? Did I miss something? Virginia Tech is like, a real team. Irregardless, I can't, in good conscience, pick Holy Cross for anything (unless it's a "Failing to emerge from BC's shadow" contest. Zing!) The pick: Southern Illinois
6 Duke v. 11 Virginia Commonwealth University - Picking against Duke is the trendy choice here. I'm not one to go with the trends, but come on. Duke sucked this year. And I need another upset. The pick: VCU
3 Pittsburgh v. 14 Wright State - I'm sorry, Wright State. I don't even know where you are. The pick: Pittsburgh
7 Indiana v. 10 Gonzaga - I'd love to pick another upset over here, but didn't Gonzaga just lose a guy because he used drugs? Now I'm the one who is upset. The pick: Indiana
2 University of California-Los Angeles v. 15 Weber State - Ho-hum. The pick: UCLA
Ok, I'm getting a little tired. I'm going to watch some TV and come back to finish. Stay tuned.
I really have no clue, so let's go through this thing together. I'll start off by going through the 32 games of the first round, and, if I'm not exhausted by the end, we'll do the rest of the tournament.
A few guiding principles:
1) Obviously, as a dude, I have a working knowledge of college basketball, so my first instinct will be to fall back on thatwhen making a pick. But I'm no expert, so in the event that I'm stumped, I'll pick based on criterion number...
B) Which team's state ratified the Constitution first? (sorry, University of Alaska-Fairbanks). However, comma, we can all imagine a situation where two teams from the same state face off (like that much anticipated Old Dominion-Virginia Commonwealth matchup), so if that happens, we'll move to our final criterion...
3) Which team's mascot would lose in a vicious, no-holds barred street brawl? The reason I say "lose" is twofold: firstly, the whole "pick the mascot that would win in a fight thing" is hackneyed and trite, and if there's one thing I ain't, it's hackneyed and trite (says the twentysomething male writing a blog about his NCAA tournament picks). Secondly, imagine if Kansas played Kentucky. Would you really feel comfortable picking the Wildcats over the Jayhawks? The law of the jungle says you should, but the law of the hardwood says you'd be an idiot. I'm sure there's just as many conflicts the other way, but I have confidence in my Constitution-based picking mechanism.
On with the picks. Let's start with the Midwest, shall we?
1 Florida v. 16 Jackson State - Normally, my "If a school's state was conquered by the guy that the other school is named after" corollary applies, but in this case, it's superceded by the "You'd sooner see Abraham Lincoln ride into your bedroom on a rhinoceros than see a 16 beat a 1" postulate. Sorry, JSU. The pick: Florida
8 Arizona v. 9 Purdue - Hall of Fame coach versus a 9 seed that everyone admits comes from a crummy conference? You do the math. The pick: Arizona
5 Butler v. 12 Old Dominion - I remember a couple years ago when BC got jerked out of being in the tournament, but crappy Butler got in. Vengeance is mine! The pick: Old Dominion
4 Maryland v. 13 Davidson - Before we moved to the Atlantic Coast Conference, I was a big Maryland guy. They deserve my love. This one is for you, Big Kahuna. The pick: Maryland
6 Notre Dame v. 11 Winthrop - Everyone is saying that Winthrop could be this year's George Mason. My question is: does anyone remember who George Mason was "this year's" version of? I forget. And I think that means something. The pick: Notre Dame
3 Oregon v. 14 Miami (Ohio) - There's a Miami in Ohio? I guess you really do learn something every day. The pick: Oregon
7 University of Nevada-Las Vegas v. 10 Georgia Tech - A team I never pay attention to versus a team that I forgot was in the ACC until we played them in our last game of the season? Georgia Tech might be a 10-seed, but its state is a 4-seed in the Entering the Union tournament. The pick: Georgia Tech
2 Wisconsin v. 15 Texas Agricultural and Mechanical University-Corpus Christi - TAMU-CC is a nice little story, but the clock is striking midnight for this Cinderella (ugh...punch me in the face). The pick: Wisconsin
West
1 Kansas v. 16 Play-In U - Move along, folks. Nothing to see here. The pick: Kansas
8 Kentucky v. 9 Villanova - I think these guys are going to win at least one game for Tubby Smith's job. He won a national championship, people! The pick: Kentucky
5 Virginia Tech v. 12 Illinois - As my roommate just said, Virginia Tech is a very inconsistent team...just like every other team in the damn tournament. I'll pick against the team reeling from the loss of its racist mascot any day of the week. The pick: Virginia Tech
4 Southern Illinois v. 13 Holy Cross - Southern Illinois is a 4, and Virginia Tech is a 5? Did I miss something? Virginia Tech is like, a real team. Irregardless, I can't, in good conscience, pick Holy Cross for anything (unless it's a "Failing to emerge from BC's shadow" contest. Zing!) The pick: Southern Illinois
6 Duke v. 11 Virginia Commonwealth University - Picking against Duke is the trendy choice here. I'm not one to go with the trends, but come on. Duke sucked this year. And I need another upset. The pick: VCU
3 Pittsburgh v. 14 Wright State - I'm sorry, Wright State. I don't even know where you are. The pick: Pittsburgh
7 Indiana v. 10 Gonzaga - I'd love to pick another upset over here, but didn't Gonzaga just lose a guy because he used drugs? Now I'm the one who is upset. The pick: Indiana
2 University of California-Los Angeles v. 15 Weber State - Ho-hum. The pick: UCLA
Ok, I'm getting a little tired. I'm going to watch some TV and come back to finish. Stay tuned.
Friday, March 9, 2007
Is there a mirror in your pocket?
Whenever an article of clothing fits really well, I'm suspect. My mom gave me a light wool jacket one time, and it was cut really nice. Nice, tight fit around the shoulders, tapered toward the waist...just a slick looking jacket.
It was a lady jacket! My mom bought it from the Gap for herself, and it didn't fit her, so she thought "Let me give this to my jackass kid, he won't know the difference." The joke's on you, mom. (bee-tee-dub, happy bithday tomorrow! I love you!)
Anyway, my brother gave me a box of clothes last weekend, and there's this fancy-looking pair of Banana Republic jeans. I just tried them on tonight, and here's the verdict: they're slim in the legs, low in the waist, and not very, um, forgiving, um, in the crotch area. Which leads to the inevitable question...
Am I wearing lady jeans?
I mean, it's not a big deal. I've never been one to subscribe to traditional notions of gendernormativity (just look at any of my Halloween costumes in college). However, comma, I'd just like to know, for a fact, if these are girls' jeans. For peace of mind.
Girls or guys, though, one thing is certain: these things are space pants. As in, my ass looks out of this world.
It was a lady jacket! My mom bought it from the Gap for herself, and it didn't fit her, so she thought "Let me give this to my jackass kid, he won't know the difference." The joke's on you, mom. (bee-tee-dub, happy bithday tomorrow! I love you!)
Anyway, my brother gave me a box of clothes last weekend, and there's this fancy-looking pair of Banana Republic jeans. I just tried them on tonight, and here's the verdict: they're slim in the legs, low in the waist, and not very, um, forgiving, um, in the crotch area. Which leads to the inevitable question...
Am I wearing lady jeans?
I mean, it's not a big deal. I've never been one to subscribe to traditional notions of gendernormativity (just look at any of my Halloween costumes in college). However, comma, I'd just like to know, for a fact, if these are girls' jeans. For peace of mind.
Girls or guys, though, one thing is certain: these things are space pants. As in, my ass looks out of this world.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
I blame Bush for this
He let them kill Captain America!
For real. You can kill Superman. You can cripple Batman. You can tell us that the Spider-Man we've been reading for the past 25 years was actually a clone created by the Jackal and thought to be dead while the real Spider-Man has actually been wandering the country as a vagrant but is actually not the real Spider-Man but rather a pawn in an elaborate scheme concocted by Norman Osborn who we all thought died after he killed Gwen Stacy but was actually alive and pulling strings from Europe the whole time.
But killing Captain America? How low can you go? The whole point of Captain America is that he can't be killed. I haven't read comics for several years, but there are things that always remain constant. And the unkillability of Cap is one of them. Need I remind you that this guy fought in World War II? We're supposed to believe that he can be killed? Captain America has gone toe to toe with Thanos! He's beaten the Absorbing Man, Fin Fang Foom, the entire Kree race, a Cosmic-Cube-empowered Red Skull...I could go on. For him to die (and from bullet wounds, to boot) is completely, absolutely, positively beyond a reasonable suspension of disbelief.
I know, I know. As my friend just said to me, death is immaterial in comic books. Captain America is the glue that keeps the Marvel Universe together. He'll be back. (After all, he has to live to protect Mar'vell in the Earth X future.) But it's the principle of the thing. Is nothing sacred? If Captain America can die, any of us can. It's a crazy world out there. We used to have a security blanket, and now he's gone. Sad.
For real. You can kill Superman. You can cripple Batman. You can tell us that the Spider-Man we've been reading for the past 25 years was actually a clone created by the Jackal and thought to be dead while the real Spider-Man has actually been wandering the country as a vagrant but is actually not the real Spider-Man but rather a pawn in an elaborate scheme concocted by Norman Osborn who we all thought died after he killed Gwen Stacy but was actually alive and pulling strings from Europe the whole time.
But killing Captain America? How low can you go? The whole point of Captain America is that he can't be killed. I haven't read comics for several years, but there are things that always remain constant. And the unkillability of Cap is one of them. Need I remind you that this guy fought in World War II? We're supposed to believe that he can be killed? Captain America has gone toe to toe with Thanos! He's beaten the Absorbing Man, Fin Fang Foom, the entire Kree race, a Cosmic-Cube-empowered Red Skull...I could go on. For him to die (and from bullet wounds, to boot) is completely, absolutely, positively beyond a reasonable suspension of disbelief.
I know, I know. As my friend just said to me, death is immaterial in comic books. Captain America is the glue that keeps the Marvel Universe together. He'll be back. (After all, he has to live to protect Mar'vell in the Earth X future.) But it's the principle of the thing. Is nothing sacred? If Captain America can die, any of us can. It's a crazy world out there. We used to have a security blanket, and now he's gone. Sad.
Is it bad that they're measuring in Kelvin?
To lead off, it's six degrees outside. Single digits!
I saw a news report that said that since it was like, 20-something degrees at 12:01 a.m. last night, that would be the recorded temperature for the day. My response: WTF? It was six degrees all day! Shouldn't that count for something?
This is no way to live. I thought I was going to die of exposure waiting for the train this morning. And as for people from like, Minnesota (South Canada) and Canada (Actual Canada), where it routinely dips below zero in the winter, here's my rebuttal: shut up. Six degrees is still pretty damn cold.
Yeah, I know I've been in Boston for almost five years, so I should be used to it by now. Here's a news flash: there's no getting used to six degrees. It sucked the first time, it'll suck the next time, and it'll suck the last time. I hate the weather. It's the worst
I saw a news report that said that since it was like, 20-something degrees at 12:01 a.m. last night, that would be the recorded temperature for the day. My response: WTF? It was six degrees all day! Shouldn't that count for something?
This is no way to live. I thought I was going to die of exposure waiting for the train this morning. And as for people from like, Minnesota (South Canada) and Canada (Actual Canada), where it routinely dips below zero in the winter, here's my rebuttal: shut up. Six degrees is still pretty damn cold.
Yeah, I know I've been in Boston for almost five years, so I should be used to it by now. Here's a news flash: there's no getting used to six degrees. It sucked the first time, it'll suck the next time, and it'll suck the last time. I hate the weather. It's the worst
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Machine wash cold. Rinse in stegasaurus blood.
I don't want this to become a regular thing, but it might.
My brother gave me a featherbed this weekend. He got a new mattress, and this thing didn't fit, so he gave it away. Now, I know his dog is a savage beast, and I wouldn't put it past this demon to have done some unsavory things to this featherbed, so I wanted to wash it.
In the interest of not jumping into this endeavor headstrong and cocksure, I checked out the label for washing instructions. Get this: "Tumble dry low with clean tennis balls." Pardon? Clean tennis balls? What the hell is this all about? It brings up all sorts of questions. What are these tennis balls supposed to do? Where am I supposed to get tennis balls from? What if I didn't use tennis balls? What if I used raquetballs? What if I used dirty tennis balls? Would the whole thing just combust? Tennis balls? Really?
My brother gave me a featherbed this weekend. He got a new mattress, and this thing didn't fit, so he gave it away. Now, I know his dog is a savage beast, and I wouldn't put it past this demon to have done some unsavory things to this featherbed, so I wanted to wash it.
In the interest of not jumping into this endeavor headstrong and cocksure, I checked out the label for washing instructions. Get this: "Tumble dry low with clean tennis balls." Pardon? Clean tennis balls? What the hell is this all about? It brings up all sorts of questions. What are these tennis balls supposed to do? Where am I supposed to get tennis balls from? What if I didn't use tennis balls? What if I used raquetballs? What if I used dirty tennis balls? Would the whole thing just combust? Tennis balls? Really?
Saturday, March 3, 2007
You can't spell "I'll bust your face if you don't hang up the phone" without "bus"
The good news: I'm reporting from sunny Bayonne, New Jersey, the nexus of all realities, the axis upon which our entire existence spins. The bad news: I had to take the bus to get here. Some notes:
1. Is there a more insidious enemy to the public transportation population than Nextel Direct Connect (from now on referred to as "ba-doop ba-doop")? Hearing one end of a conversation is tolerable, but both? I'm not some old man that's gonna complain about these young whipper-snappers with their cellular phones. But I am going to recognize that only a true misanthrope and sociopath has such a disregard for his fellow man as to use his ba-doop ba-doop on a crowded bus. Honestly, people. We're living in a society here!
2. They played Hitch during the trip. What a delightful flick!
3. I love when my driver takes a double-digit exit on 95 in the Bronx. It's a recipe for adventure.
4. When are they going to finish restoring the outside of the Guggenheim? It's been like, forever! I've been on the inside, and let me tell you, an upward spiral is a horrible plan for an art museum. The exterior is the only thing that place has. Move it or lose it, restoration dudes.
1. Is there a more insidious enemy to the public transportation population than Nextel Direct Connect (from now on referred to as "ba-doop ba-doop")? Hearing one end of a conversation is tolerable, but both? I'm not some old man that's gonna complain about these young whipper-snappers with their cellular phones. But I am going to recognize that only a true misanthrope and sociopath has such a disregard for his fellow man as to use his ba-doop ba-doop on a crowded bus. Honestly, people. We're living in a society here!
2. They played Hitch during the trip. What a delightful flick!
3. I love when my driver takes a double-digit exit on 95 in the Bronx. It's a recipe for adventure.
4. When are they going to finish restoring the outside of the Guggenheim? It's been like, forever! I've been on the inside, and let me tell you, an upward spiral is a horrible plan for an art museum. The exterior is the only thing that place has. Move it or lose it, restoration dudes.
Thursday, March 1, 2007
I Love That Dirty Water, part 1
Recently, the 11:30 installment of the Simpsons on Fox 25 has been superb. Right there in the meat and potatoes of this series's run. I haven't seen the garbage commissioner episode in years, but it was on the other day! And then an hour of King of the Hill afterward? Not bad. Syndicated cartoons make me love that dirty water.
Barber chair hostage crisis
I got a haircut the other day (actually, I got all of them cut. Ha! Get it? Hello? Is this thing on?), and I realized that I might never get a decent haircut ever for the rest of my life. My problem is two-fold.
Firstly, what am I supposed to even say when I sit down? "Yeah, uh, make my hair shorter?" Is there a name for the dopey, generic haircut that I have? And even if there is, does the old man cutting my hair know what it is? I don't have the heart to ask.
And B., even if I did know what to ask for, how would I know he's doing it right? I have to take my glasses off to get my hair cut. I can't see a damn thing! For real. This guy could be giving me a perm with auburn highlights, and I'd have no idea. This is the first barber I've ever had in Massachusetts, and I only picked him because he's down the block from me. In retrospect, I should have more thoroughly vetted the guy that puts all manner of blades to my scalp, but I've been lucky so far. It's only a matter of time before I get stuck with some stupid Opie haircut. Good thing I'm not in the habit of posting pictures of myself.
Firstly, what am I supposed to even say when I sit down? "Yeah, uh, make my hair shorter?" Is there a name for the dopey, generic haircut that I have? And even if there is, does the old man cutting my hair know what it is? I don't have the heart to ask.
And B., even if I did know what to ask for, how would I know he's doing it right? I have to take my glasses off to get my hair cut. I can't see a damn thing! For real. This guy could be giving me a perm with auburn highlights, and I'd have no idea. This is the first barber I've ever had in Massachusetts, and I only picked him because he's down the block from me. In retrospect, I should have more thoroughly vetted the guy that puts all manner of blades to my scalp, but I've been lucky so far. It's only a matter of time before I get stuck with some stupid Opie haircut. Good thing I'm not in the habit of posting pictures of myself.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
FNL commentary
1. Riggins's new neighbor = stone cold fox. I hope she knows that she's powerless against his flaxen-locked, wrong-side-of-the-tracks sexiness. And the kid is great, too. My one request: put your glasses back on, Neighbor Lady!
2. Every time I resolve that Lyla Garrity is a ho (aka, cheating on her crippled boyfriend, trying to stifle his dreams of playing for the national quad rugby team), they turn her into a sympathetic character (aka, the whole school hates her and she cries, her parents reach the verge of divorce). I'm so conflicted!
2a. Ah, good old Lyla, making a drunken spectacle of herself and then accusing Street of being in love with a girl he just met. We missed you, Lyla.
3. Is there a better character on television than Jason Street? He has the heart of a champion. A life champion.
4. My buddy brings up a good point: whatever happened to Coach Taylor's job offer from the University of Texas? And what is TMU? Texas...something that begins with M...University?
2. Every time I resolve that Lyla Garrity is a ho (aka, cheating on her crippled boyfriend, trying to stifle his dreams of playing for the national quad rugby team), they turn her into a sympathetic character (aka, the whole school hates her and she cries, her parents reach the verge of divorce). I'm so conflicted!
2a. Ah, good old Lyla, making a drunken spectacle of herself and then accusing Street of being in love with a girl he just met. We missed you, Lyla.
3. Is there a better character on television than Jason Street? He has the heart of a champion. A life champion.
4. My buddy brings up a good point: whatever happened to Coach Taylor's job offer from the University of Texas? And what is TMU? Texas...something that begins with M...University?
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
I Hate That Dirty Water, part 1
I promise there will be a recurring "I Love That Dirty Water" segment, but I need to put the word out to a population I've lost all patience for: people paying for the T with cash.
It took less than two months of tap-and-go Charlie Card bliss to view with resentment and scorn those paying for the T with money. Who are these throwbacks, these anachronistic dinosaurs that cling so tenaciously to the old ways of exchanging bank notes for services? Paying with bills is bad enough, but at least once a week, I get stuck behind some brain donor that pays with dimes. For real. The nerve of these people.
Here's the plain and honest truth for those of you outside the Hub: if you pay with cash, it takes like, 30 seconds to get on the T, and that's if you have two dollar bills. With a Charlie Card? Like, half a femtosecond. I'm not even kidding around. If your T is late, you can blame the people paying with cash.
The MBTA is partly to blame. They're enablers. I say, get rid of the cash-taking parts of the fare machine and put this demon to rest. Some people will argue, "Well, I don't take the T often enough to warrant a weekly or monthly pass, so I just pay cash." My rebuttal: shut up. I take the NY subway ten times a year, tops, but I still have a Metrocard in my pocket. Get a stored value Charlie Card and end our collective misery.
That's how you can tell you're in Boston, when you see people paying for the train with dimes. Try to pull that crap in New York, and you'll have angry riders descending on you with ill-intent faster than Cleon after Cyrus got shot. People paying for the train with cash makes me hate that dirty water.
It took less than two months of tap-and-go Charlie Card bliss to view with resentment and scorn those paying for the T with money. Who are these throwbacks, these anachronistic dinosaurs that cling so tenaciously to the old ways of exchanging bank notes for services? Paying with bills is bad enough, but at least once a week, I get stuck behind some brain donor that pays with dimes. For real. The nerve of these people.
Here's the plain and honest truth for those of you outside the Hub: if you pay with cash, it takes like, 30 seconds to get on the T, and that's if you have two dollar bills. With a Charlie Card? Like, half a femtosecond. I'm not even kidding around. If your T is late, you can blame the people paying with cash.
The MBTA is partly to blame. They're enablers. I say, get rid of the cash-taking parts of the fare machine and put this demon to rest. Some people will argue, "Well, I don't take the T often enough to warrant a weekly or monthly pass, so I just pay cash." My rebuttal: shut up. I take the NY subway ten times a year, tops, but I still have a Metrocard in my pocket. Get a stored value Charlie Card and end our collective misery.
That's how you can tell you're in Boston, when you see people paying for the train with dimes. Try to pull that crap in New York, and you'll have angry riders descending on you with ill-intent faster than Cleon after Cyrus got shot. People paying for the train with cash makes me hate that dirty water.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Overture, curtains, lights. This is it, we'll hit the heights...
Even though I only saw one movie out of every movie that was nominated for anything this year (no joke. It was The Departed), I found the 79th Annual Academy Awards to be a delightful romp. Some observations:
Note - Don't think of these observations as stale. Think of them as considered and well-reasoned. (read: I fell asleep right after the broadcast and didn't feel it was ethical to post during work. What integrity I have!)
1. We've seen plenty of brother-sister combinations in Hollywood, but have two siblings ever been such an aesthetic mismatch as Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal? She's an attractive woman, no doubt, but put her next to her dreamboat brother, and it's like Secretariat at Belmont. Thirty-one lengths!
2. Aside from the Ice Age short, which I recall seeing a commercial for, where do these animated short films get shown? Let's get these bad boys out in the theatres. We want cartoons!
3. According to Merriam-Webster, stick-to-itiveness is a word. Spelled like that. Reason Number 76,585 why that dictionary sucks.
4. I counted no less than six "wrap-it-ups" during the ceremony (not including the Al Gore one). Some people think the wrap-it-up is hilarious, and I'm sure the show's producers were cracking the whip on acceptance speeches. I think it's terrible. This poor shlub that won for best animated short might never even get invited to the Academy Awards again, let alone win. Let these people have their time in the spotlight! I'll stay up, I promise. Another example of corporate greed trumping the celebration of artistic achievement.
4a. Almost all of those wrap-it-ups came in the early portion of the show, which was front-loaded with all of the technical and writing-type awards. I'm sure someone could go back and compare speech lengths, but it seems to me like Forest Whittaker and Martin Scorcese got a little bit longer leash than the guy that won for sound mixing (and even if the times were equal, it doesn't make a difference, because it seemed to me like the heavy hitters got more time, and I'm a firm believer in perception being reality). Producers gave more leeway to the big name stars in terms of acceptance speeches? I am no longer uncynical with the film industry.
5. My disenchantment with Jessica Biel is reaching folkloric proportions. First she comes out on stage wearing a dress we just threw out of my grandmother's closet, then the Interweb tells me that she's dating Wilmer Valderrama! What happened to Derek Jeter? Jessica, your Boston College crop-top t-shirt from Summer Catch is the reason I came to Chestnut Hill in the first place. Don't break my heart by leaving the Captain.
6. I believe Leo when he tells me that Hollywood takes its obligations to society seriously. Except the obligation not to poison our children's minds with images of graphic sex and grotesque violence.
7. Explain to me how the dude from Coldplay is married to Gwyneth Paltrow. Not only is he a talentless hack, but he’s also ugly. How has he pulled the wool over so many eyes!
8. Wow, the Al Gore movie won? Whodathunkit?
9. Clint Eastwood is so badass, he could have got up there and said “Glippy gloppy glooppy goo,” and I would have said “Oh, he’s talking about Ennio Marricone!” Remember, there are two types of people in this world: people who present at the Academy Awards, and people who dig. You dig.
10. I zoned out for a while. Who won for best editing?
Note - Don't think of these observations as stale. Think of them as considered and well-reasoned. (read: I fell asleep right after the broadcast and didn't feel it was ethical to post during work. What integrity I have!)
1. We've seen plenty of brother-sister combinations in Hollywood, but have two siblings ever been such an aesthetic mismatch as Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal? She's an attractive woman, no doubt, but put her next to her dreamboat brother, and it's like Secretariat at Belmont. Thirty-one lengths!
2. Aside from the Ice Age short, which I recall seeing a commercial for, where do these animated short films get shown? Let's get these bad boys out in the theatres. We want cartoons!
3. According to Merriam-Webster, stick-to-itiveness is a word. Spelled like that. Reason Number 76,585 why that dictionary sucks.
4. I counted no less than six "wrap-it-ups" during the ceremony (not including the Al Gore one). Some people think the wrap-it-up is hilarious, and I'm sure the show's producers were cracking the whip on acceptance speeches. I think it's terrible. This poor shlub that won for best animated short might never even get invited to the Academy Awards again, let alone win. Let these people have their time in the spotlight! I'll stay up, I promise. Another example of corporate greed trumping the celebration of artistic achievement.
4a. Almost all of those wrap-it-ups came in the early portion of the show, which was front-loaded with all of the technical and writing-type awards. I'm sure someone could go back and compare speech lengths, but it seems to me like Forest Whittaker and Martin Scorcese got a little bit longer leash than the guy that won for sound mixing (and even if the times were equal, it doesn't make a difference, because it seemed to me like the heavy hitters got more time, and I'm a firm believer in perception being reality). Producers gave more leeway to the big name stars in terms of acceptance speeches? I am no longer uncynical with the film industry.
5. My disenchantment with Jessica Biel is reaching folkloric proportions. First she comes out on stage wearing a dress we just threw out of my grandmother's closet, then the Interweb tells me that she's dating Wilmer Valderrama! What happened to Derek Jeter? Jessica, your Boston College crop-top t-shirt from Summer Catch is the reason I came to Chestnut Hill in the first place. Don't break my heart by leaving the Captain.
6. I believe Leo when he tells me that Hollywood takes its obligations to society seriously. Except the obligation not to poison our children's minds with images of graphic sex and grotesque violence.
7. Explain to me how the dude from Coldplay is married to Gwyneth Paltrow. Not only is he a talentless hack, but he’s also ugly. How has he pulled the wool over so many eyes!
8. Wow, the Al Gore movie won? Whodathunkit?
9. Clint Eastwood is so badass, he could have got up there and said “Glippy gloppy glooppy goo,” and I would have said “Oh, he’s talking about Ennio Marricone!” Remember, there are two types of people in this world: people who present at the Academy Awards, and people who dig. You dig.
10. I zoned out for a while. Who won for best editing?
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Lightsaber physics update
Ok, so those scenes I vaguely recalled? One of them occurs during the climactic battle between Luke and Darth Vader at the end of Empire. Luke's lightsaber gets knocked from his hand, and the handle bounces away. Ok, so it's definitive. When a lightsaber leaves the user's hand, it shuts off.
However, comma, flash forward to the climactic battle between Luke and Vader during Return of the Jedi. Vader throws his lightsaber in order to destroy the catwalk that Luke is standing on. The lightsaber stays on, and wreaks the damage that Vader intended. Ok, Star Wars, which one is it. On or off?
However, comma, flash forward to the climactic battle between Luke and Vader during Return of the Jedi. Vader throws his lightsaber in order to destroy the catwalk that Luke is standing on. The lightsaber stays on, and wreaks the damage that Vader intended. Ok, Star Wars, which one is it. On or off?
Lightsaber physics
My roommate and I are watching The Empire Strikes Back. Remember the scene where Yoda sends Luke out into the wilderness, and he fights the apparition of Darth Vader? Luke chops the ghost-Vader's head off, and he falls to the ground, lightsaber still on and functioning. A number of questions arise.
Firstly, does the lightsaber have some sort of shutdown mechanism, by which it turns off once it leaves the user's hand? I vaguely recall scenes where the saber has been flung from some Jedi's hand, followed by a shot of an impotent handle clanking around on the ground. But in this case, Vader fell with the lightsaber still in his hand. Was it still on? Assuming it was, did it damage whatever part of his body it fell on, or did it start disintegrating the soil, or both?
For the sake of this post, let's assume that it stayed on (even after eventually leaving ghost-Vader's hand). Even if Vader did land on the lightsaber, it still would have come in contact with the soil, and my bet is that Dagobah's gravity would draw the lightsaber downward. Now, the question is, would the destructive power of the lightsaber's lightblade, combined with the force of gravity, draw said lightsaber inexorably downward, toward the planet's core (assuming, of course, that it wouldn't melt somewhere in the mantle)? I mean, gravity is a powerful force, but it doesn't pull us through the crust and into the bowels of the planet. This all comes down, I suppose, to what the nature of the lightsaber's power is. Does it automatically destroy everything in its path? Is there a limit to what it can reduce to atoms? If anyone is a physics major/Star Wars buff, please enlighten me.
Firstly, does the lightsaber have some sort of shutdown mechanism, by which it turns off once it leaves the user's hand? I vaguely recall scenes where the saber has been flung from some Jedi's hand, followed by a shot of an impotent handle clanking around on the ground. But in this case, Vader fell with the lightsaber still in his hand. Was it still on? Assuming it was, did it damage whatever part of his body it fell on, or did it start disintegrating the soil, or both?
For the sake of this post, let's assume that it stayed on (even after eventually leaving ghost-Vader's hand). Even if Vader did land on the lightsaber, it still would have come in contact with the soil, and my bet is that Dagobah's gravity would draw the lightsaber downward. Now, the question is, would the destructive power of the lightsaber's lightblade, combined with the force of gravity, draw said lightsaber inexorably downward, toward the planet's core (assuming, of course, that it wouldn't melt somewhere in the mantle)? I mean, gravity is a powerful force, but it doesn't pull us through the crust and into the bowels of the planet. This all comes down, I suppose, to what the nature of the lightsaber's power is. Does it automatically destroy everything in its path? Is there a limit to what it can reduce to atoms? If anyone is a physics major/Star Wars buff, please enlighten me.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Pandora pick of the week
If you haven't already started an account, go to Pandora and make one. It's an internet radio station that will suggest new music for you based on preferences that you feed into the system. Amazing stuff.
In that spirit, I'll be showcasing a cool new band that I find on Pandora (assuming I actually find a band I like in a given week. It'll probably happen, but if not...well, we'll burn that bridge when we cross it, won't we?)
So check out Ultimate Fakebook. They're from Manhattan, Kansas, and are like a combination between Weezer and the Starting Line. Of course, they broke up a couple years ago (just like Helicopter Helicopter, another awesome band that Pandora teased me with), but not because they didn't rock. "The Scheme to Listen No More," "A Million Hearts," and "Brokyn Needle" are particularly awesome. Go listen!
In that spirit, I'll be showcasing a cool new band that I find on Pandora (assuming I actually find a band I like in a given week. It'll probably happen, but if not...well, we'll burn that bridge when we cross it, won't we?)
So check out Ultimate Fakebook. They're from Manhattan, Kansas, and are like a combination between Weezer and the Starting Line. Of course, they broke up a couple years ago (just like Helicopter Helicopter, another awesome band that Pandora teased me with), but not because they didn't rock. "The Scheme to Listen No More," "A Million Hearts," and "Brokyn Needle" are particularly awesome. Go listen!
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Machine wash cold. Only handle with unicorn-skin gloves.
I was washing all my throw rugs tonight, and I found one that still had its label. This dopey thing had the nerve to say "Do not tumble dry." Is this some sort of joke? It's a $1.50 throw rug from Ikea! Washing and drying this thing cost more than I paid for it in the first place. I've put a merino wool sweater in the dryer before. I've never used a "cool iron" in my life. I mix whites and colors so that I don't have to do two loads. And this cheap throw rug wanted me to air-dry it? This thing didn't stand a chance.
FNL commentary
On tonight's episode of Friday Night Lights:
1) Honestly, what was Matt Saracen thinking? He's QB1 for the Dillon Panthers. If Britney, David Beckham, and Scooter Libby were rolled into one person, Bri-ham-ooter would still be less scrutinized than QB1 in Dillon, Texas. And this guy is out buying condoms? I was only listening at this point (I was in the kitchen putting out a mild grease fire), but even without looking, I was certain that Coach would find out his daughter's boyfriend was buying condoms. That Julie's mom randomly saw him is just beating the viewer over the head. Cmon, FNL writers! Give us a little credit.
2) I'm still divided about Street and Lyla. On the one hand, she has been supportive of him (except for fighting him about trying out for the national quad rugby team). On the other, she is kind of a snake. And he does seem to get along with this Austin girl (an alternative-type cutie with tats and glasses? Ooh la la creme).
3) What was up with Blair getting absolutel posterized in the second half? Oh, wait, that was me just switching back to the BC basketball game...shudder...
4) I love Timmy Riggins as much as the next guy, but isn't he supposed to be the loner from the down-on-their-luck family? He's got a pinball machine! That's awesome! Why is he so sullen all of the time?
1) Honestly, what was Matt Saracen thinking? He's QB1 for the Dillon Panthers. If Britney, David Beckham, and Scooter Libby were rolled into one person, Bri-ham-ooter would still be less scrutinized than QB1 in Dillon, Texas. And this guy is out buying condoms? I was only listening at this point (I was in the kitchen putting out a mild grease fire), but even without looking, I was certain that Coach would find out his daughter's boyfriend was buying condoms. That Julie's mom randomly saw him is just beating the viewer over the head. Cmon, FNL writers! Give us a little credit.
2) I'm still divided about Street and Lyla. On the one hand, she has been supportive of him (except for fighting him about trying out for the national quad rugby team). On the other, she is kind of a snake. And he does seem to get along with this Austin girl (an alternative-type cutie with tats and glasses? Ooh la la creme).
3) What was up with Blair getting absolutel posterized in the second half? Oh, wait, that was me just switching back to the BC basketball game...shudder...
4) I love Timmy Riggins as much as the next guy, but isn't he supposed to be the loner from the down-on-their-luck family? He's got a pinball machine! That's awesome! Why is he so sullen all of the time?
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Blech
How about those first two posts? Massachusetts politics (which I barely know anything about) and mundane chore-doing (which you barely care about). A winning combination!
The truth is, I couldn't ethically put a link in my AIM profile with only one post up. And now that I've broken down the third wall and commented on the conduct of my blogging, that's three posts. This is easy. Stay tuned for commentary on the existential dilemma and the perils of making a grilled cheese sandwich in one of those conveyer belt toasters.
The truth is, I couldn't ethically put a link in my AIM profile with only one post up. And now that I've broken down the third wall and commented on the conduct of my blogging, that's three posts. This is easy. Stay tuned for commentary on the existential dilemma and the perils of making a grilled cheese sandwich in one of those conveyer belt toasters.
Hang ten. Shirts, in the same direction
I once made fun of a woman on What Not to Wear because she had this hangup (pun intended) about clothes hangers facing in the same direction. Of course, this woman was ten types of crazy, but I should have realized that watching this episode was like looking in a living 360 degree mirror of stone-cold reality.
Hanging up shirts tonight, I might have spent five total extra minutes flopping shirts and hangers around to fit my own twisted sense of symmetry (open part of hanger pointed away from the door, shirt fronts facing to the right). What made me realize that this behavior was significant is that I put no thought at all into how my pants were hung up, just that they were on a hanger.
The problem is, I've never had the experience of being someone else, hanging up someone else's clothes in someone else's closet (although I suppose that if I were someone else, at that point I would be hanging up my own clothes in my own closet. They just wouldn't be mine. Does that make sense?) Point being, is this normal behavior? Do people care which way their shirts are facing? Am I, in fact, one of the regular folks that just hangs up clothes in the same way as everyone else? Or am I a closet deviant? Please help.
Hanging up shirts tonight, I might have spent five total extra minutes flopping shirts and hangers around to fit my own twisted sense of symmetry (open part of hanger pointed away from the door, shirt fronts facing to the right). What made me realize that this behavior was significant is that I put no thought at all into how my pants were hung up, just that they were on a hanger.
The problem is, I've never had the experience of being someone else, hanging up someone else's clothes in someone else's closet (although I suppose that if I were someone else, at that point I would be hanging up my own clothes in my own closet. They just wouldn't be mine. Does that make sense?) Point being, is this normal behavior? Do people care which way their shirts are facing? Am I, in fact, one of the regular folks that just hangs up clothes in the same way as everyone else? Or am I a closet deviant? Please help.
I hope my estimated taxes went toward Deval's ottoman
The latest news from Beacon Hill is that Governor Deval Patrick has ordered ivory backscratchers for all State House employees, as well as emerald-studded backscratcher-holding gloves. The backscratchers can be modified to operate hands-free, using a special motor powered by flaming tax dollars...
...or the governor picked a very luxurious car instead of a quite luxurious car, used a State Police helicopter to go to the funeral of a Cape resident that was killed in Iraq, and (thank you, Fox25 political editor Joe Battenfeld) bought new furniture for his office . . . because Mitt Romney took the old stuff when he left!
I feel like I'm living in the Twilight Zone. There's still a billion dollar budget gap in the first place, Bechtel still cut corners on the Big Dig, and thousands of people are still clamoring to rescind the constitutionally-guaranteed right of gay couples to marry. Get with the program, Massachusetts. You'd never see this kind of fiscal irresponsibility, corruption, and politicization of sexuality in New Jersey.
Ok, maybe you would. But still.
...or the governor picked a very luxurious car instead of a quite luxurious car, used a State Police helicopter to go to the funeral of a Cape resident that was killed in Iraq, and (thank you, Fox25 political editor Joe Battenfeld) bought new furniture for his office . . . because Mitt Romney took the old stuff when he left!
I feel like I'm living in the Twilight Zone. There's still a billion dollar budget gap in the first place, Bechtel still cut corners on the Big Dig, and thousands of people are still clamoring to rescind the constitutionally-guaranteed right of gay couples to marry. Get with the program, Massachusetts. You'd never see this kind of fiscal irresponsibility, corruption, and politicization of sexuality in New Jersey.
Ok, maybe you would. But still.
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