Friday, October 31, 2008

Champs

A good buddy of mine is a diehard Phillies fan, so I was happy for him that his team won the World Series.

But really, the only reason this post exists is as a vehicle for me to share this, the lead to Jere Longman's New York Times story about the postgame festivities:
PHILADELPHIA – In a place where the glass always seems half empty, finally it has been raised in a Champagne toast to a champion instead of smashed in the heartbreak of drowned sorrows.

Wow. That's like, a triple mixed metaphor, in one sentence! I love it!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Music is my imaginary friend

Listen to this awesome Dashboard Confessional cover of "In a Big Country."


Rare Gossip Girl follow-up

I've been tossing this around in ol' head all day: how is it that t.A.T.u.'s weirdly cool cover of the Smiths classic "How Soon Is Now" wasn't one of the featured songs at the end of last night's Gossip Girl? This song, no matter what the iteration, is wicked awesome!

Good placement, though, during the scene were Jenny and Agnes are dancing around in their slinky underthings, since "How Soon Is Now" is the official soundtrack of "awkward/dangerous moments featuring nice people in situations they shouldn't be in." (Does anybody else remember a drunken Robby Hart being seduced by Linda on his front lawn in The Wedding Singer?)

Monday, October 27, 2008

I dunno about Cecil the Caterpillar. But I can tell you about John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt

The theme of this week's episode of Gossip Girl was "Who the hell do you people think you are?" Don't believe me? To wit:

Dan: you're helping Blair? To get with Chuck? I don't care if you didn't know what they did to Vanessa. You know better. And in the process of helping BLAIR, you're not straight up with Serena? Dude, that's why you guys broke up! Who do you think you are?

Jenny: you're really telling off Elanor Waldorf? The highly successful designer that gave you your start? And who is Agnes? And why are you traipsing about in your undies with her? And what makes you think that you can make it as a designer on your own? You're 15! Who do you think you are?

Serena: Aaron the artist? Really? So you're gonna go from Dan the Writer to this clown? What's next, Phil the Photographer? Pete the Poet? Look, any chucker can throw some paint on a canvass (or put up some dopey, nonsensical "installation" in Brooklyn). But to weave together words, like a tapestry lovingly crafted, worthy of appearing in the Paris Review? That takes a certain kind of genius. But yeah, go with the guy who remembers the campfire tunes you used to sing as kids. Hey, Serena. In eighteen-hundred and forty-three, the Canadian Railroad hired me. Wanna grab some drinks? Also, who do you think you are?

Nate: see above. She's 15. Who do you think you are?

Blair and Chuck: Do I have to ask?

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Blatant political advocacy

You all know where I stand on the presidential election. But if you live here in the Commonwealth, you need to know about Ballot Question 1. Basically, Question 1 seeks to phase out the state income tax by half on January 1, 2009, and then eliminate it entirely by the next year. I'll let the Boston Globe explain to you why this is so preposterous, although here are some hard numbers: the Massachusetts income tax brings in $12.6 billion of revenue, representing about 40 percent of the budget. That money has to be made up somewhere (but not from the $13 billion mandated by the constitution and various court orders and laws).

To illustrate how bad things could get for the state, the Globe has made this fun little game. Play it! I recommend just pulling every bar into the red to see how long it takes you to balance the budget. What an eye-opener.

I'm somewhat sympathetic to the whack-jobs at the Center for Small Government, the masterminds behind Question 1. I mean, nobody LIKES government waste. And they see eliminating the state income tax as a strong message to Beacon Hill that state government needs to tighten its belt and work better. A fine message, but a horrible way to send it. Since I'm a poet, here's some figurative language: Question 1 is the equivalent of you, dear reader, sending me the message that you don't like Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun not by oh, say, actually sending a message, but rather coming into my apartment, smashing my precious Macbook into a million pieces, and then kicking me in the nuts for good measure. Just leave a comment!

So tell all your friends: vote no on Question 1.

My new favorite actor UPDATE

Remember Pan-Kun, the Seqway-riding chimp? He made it onto Anderson Cooper 360! Check it out.

And don't forget that Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun is your number one source for chimp-related hilarity.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Music is my imaginary friend

Listen to some Patent Pending.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

"We're free"

That's a quote from my roommate, and I think it sums things up nicely.

Your Tampa Bay Team Formerly Known as the Devil Rays are the American League Champions. Let that sink in real quick.

It's a tremendous story, but really, the Rays were only an agent in a historically important quest, a quest that amounted to nothing less than restoring order to the universe.

See, I showed up here in Boston in 2002, seven months after the New England Patriots won their first Super Bowl. They proceeded to win Super Bowls in 2004 and 2005. The Red Socks, of course, after 85 years of uselessness, won a World Series in 2004 and then 2007. Boston, a sports city kept afloat by the memory of 16 Celtics world championships was suddenly the toast of the world. Fans went from arrogant to entitled in the blink of an eye. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be.

But then something happened.

The New York Giants, who had more or less fallen ass-backwards into the playoffs, strung off a series of road wins against the Buccaneers, Cowboys, and Packers to face the undefeated Patriots in the Super Bowl. To say the G-Men weren't given an ice cube's chance in hell is to grievously understate the case. The Patriots were undefeated! Record-breaking! Invincible!

We all know what happened.

And tonight, we just saw the defending champion Red Socks fall to last year's last-place team, the Rays. Now, I understand that the Rays won the division this year. And that technically, the Angels were the team to beat. But I've seen championship series where the Socks have been down 3 games to 1. Or 3 games to none. And they've come back. Like a zombie. No matter how many bullets you put in them, they're unkillable. Once the Socks came back in game 5 on Thursday, I was convinced they would win. That was the new order of the universe. The Socks fall behind, and then roar back.

Thankfully, the old order has been restored. And hopefully, we've just seen year one of the Curse of Manny. Thanks, Tampa.

My new favorite actor

...is Pan-kun, the Japanese chimp. You might remember him from my Hole in the Wall post. Here he is riding a Segway.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Cause and effect

Other people have debunked the hysteria surrounding Acorn and its voter registration drive (including Hendrik Hertzberg at the New Yorker, and official Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun Favorite Legal Expert Dahlia Lithwick over on Slate).

Reasonable people understand that this is a completely overblown farce. Reasonable people understand that Acorn hardly represents a threat to the very "fabric of democracy," as Senator McCain said in Wednesday's debate. Reasonable people understand that the process is hardly already "tainted," as former Senator John Danforth pronounced this week.

I feel like someone needs to remind Senator McCain that words, especially hyperbolic, incendiary, untrue words, have consequences, and that not all of his supporters are reasonable people. This is the tip of the iceberg, guys.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Music is my imaginary friend

Listen to some This Providence

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Commercial thread

Let me try to do a real blogger thing here. . .

In response to this post, commenter SPIKEmgb points us in the direction of an ad that drove him crazy back in the day.

Personally, I'm grateful, because I think the Whatchamacallit jingle is one of the catchier candy bar jingles, and now I have it back in my head. But it reminded me of a commercial that I hated as a kid, even though it was targeted directly to me (notice the cutaway from the end of Get the Picture at the start of this video).

I have a whole slew of commercials that I absolutely can't get enough of that I'd like to share with you at some point, but for now, dear readers (and I know you exist), consider this an open thread for you to talk about your all-time most hated commercials. I'll see you all in comments!

Best. Political ad. Ever.

So I'm watching last night's Gossip Girl. Maybe I'll post later. But in the meantime, here's a great ad from MoveOn starring Penn Badgley and Blake Lively. I'm persuaded!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Punch me in the face

I'm watching the Giants on Monday Night Football, and every commercial break, this Toyota ad has come on:


Imagine watching that 12 times in an evening. Are ads that make you want to smash the product effective? Is there some focus group that I'm not privy to?

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Thursday, October 9, 2008

More of your favorite toobz guy

So I set up a Twitter account. I'm certain this won't interfere with regularly scheduled installments of Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun, but if you want to see what goes on with this thing, my URL is http://twitter.com/frombizzone.

The Dallas Cowboys are the American economy of the NFL

So embattled Cowboys cornerback Adam quote unquote Pacman Jones, who was suspended for an entire season last year for a plethora of off-field offenses, beat up his own bodyguard in a Dallas hotel. You can imagine how hard the team is going to come down on him.

Profiles in courage, eh?

Meantime, the defending Super Bowl champion New York Giants suspended one of their best players for skipping practice. And then proceeded to rack up their biggest margin of victory in 17 years.

Dallas sucks.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Zelda warriors

Lot of good links today. And since there's no new Gossip Girl tonight, I've got a bit of time to kill. Enjoy!

# Great, great, great article in this week's New York magazine about the future of product placement in television shows (spoiler alert: it's bleak!) The example of 30 Rock is particularly insidious. You can't blame Tina Fey for expertly navigating the new world of advertising-as-narrative, but I don't think I can be blamed for finding it to be really creepy. I'm still of the mind that television and movies are art, and while I understand that certain compromises are necessary in order to get on the screen, the extent to which art and commerce are tied up is troubling, to say the least. When the baseline necessity for an artist is "you need to be able to work Acme Widgets into your 17th century bildungsroman," I think we have a problem. And if you think this is merely a dilemma for aesthetes, product placement's ugly cousin, guerrilla marketing, threatens our very souls.

# Reading the New York Times Week in Review about American writers being snubbed for the Nobel Prize, I became incensed and vowed to write a scathing takedown. And the Adam Kirsch, an actual literary critic, beat me to it over at Slate. Good for him.

A few thoughts, though. I'm guilty of having been a little starstruck by the Nobel Prize. Same thing with the Pulitzer and the National Book Award. But there's no denying that a significant swath of the canon has never been recognized by the Nobel committee: Tolstoy, Ibsen, Zola, Twain, Proust, Joyce, Greene, Nabokov, Auden, Miller. These guys aren't all-knowing, and there are definitely political considerations (we're talking about snubbing America here, guys). So I suppose it's best to start (if we haven't already) looking at the Nobel Prize less like an anointing of literary greatness, and more like the Oscars, or the Major League Baseball All-Star game: an excuse every year to argue with one another about books and, more anagogically, to consider what's important to us as a people and how we want to be reflected in our literature. They serve their purpose.

I'm glad that Kirsch brought up Philip Roth, official Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun Favorite Author and Undergraduate Thesis Subject, to cement his thesis. I've never been one for literary theory, and I'm not familiar with Horace Engdahl aside from what I can glean from my own half-assed understanding of post-structuralism. However, comma, everything I know about "the big dialogue of literature" tells me that it's a self-reflexive, masturbatory endeavor. Count me among the Tom Wolfe school of literary realism, which Roth does exceedingly well (is American Pastoral, published eight year's after Wolfe's manifesto, the late–20th century realist novel that he was looking for? Who's to say, but it's a good attempt.) But, presumably like Engdahl, Roth also knows the limits of this style, or at least the obstacles it presents to the writer trying to say something resonant. He also coined, 48 years ago, the now-official Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun Credo:
"[T]he American writer in the middle of the twentieth century has his hands full in trying to understand, describe, and then make credible much of American reality. It stupefies, it sickens, it infuriates, and finally it is even a kind of embarrassment to one's meager imagination. The actuality is continually outdoing our talents, and the culture tosses up figures almost daily that are the envy of any novelist."
In other words, just give him the damn prize!

# That might have been dense. Here's some abject horror to take your mind off of literature. ZOMG!

# In these uncertain economic times, we need to find solace in any place we can find it. Sometimes, justice gets done, dear readers.

# What? I got through a blog post without saying something political? Woops.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Road tripping

So I just got back from a trip to Raleigh, North Carolina for BC's game against NC State. It was fun! The team won, I had some good times with my pals, and everything was right with the world.

But something has been perturbing me. As we were walking out of the stadium, through the NC State student tailgating area, I walked past a kid in the back of a pickup truck eating a sandwich. Being clad in BC regalia, my buddies and I were prepared to be taunted, so it didn't surprise anyone when this kid started yelling at us. But instead of the usual "BC sucks!", he said "Mmm, this pork is delicious. Oh wait, you don't have pork in Massachusetts!"

Huh?