There's a lot about Stoic philosophy that is, to quote Pliny the Younger, absolute and total hogwash. However, comma, there's a little bit from Epictetus's Enchiridion that I've always carried with with me. He goes: "And when you call your servant, consider that it is possible he may not come at your call; or, if he does, that he may not do what you wish. But it is not at all desirable for him, and very undesirable for you, that it should be in his power to cause you any disturbance."
So what does this have to do with anything? As with most posts, dear reader, I'm writing about an experience I had on the T. I was approaching the trolley at the BC stop. The train was stopped and the doors were closed. I could tell that the T light was about to turn green, so, like the savvy urban mover that I am, I just hung around. Enter some girl, and her pal, running from across the street, struggling like mites against the unchanging, unchangeable, irresistible force of the T schedule. Suffice it to say, the train left the station as they screeched to a halt right outside the door.
Hoo boy. You'd think this girl had dropped a bag of groceries in the sewer, the way she carried on, screaming and cursing about how bad the T sucks. She was legitimately upset! I think she took it personally!
I wanted to put a shoulder around her and say "Just chill, man. There'll be another T." That's the thing about the T. It's fickle, it's capricious, there's no predicting where it's gonna go. So why let it bother you? If you let the T bother you, if you yield beneath the crushing juggernaut of its whimsy, you'll lead a horribly resentful, spiteful life. It's not in your interest to let the T cause you any disturbance.
And for any wily readers looking back and trying to catch me in my own rhetorical web of lies and contradictions, I am, as ever, 18 steps ahead of you. (I'm referring to my previous post railing against change-payers on the T). You see, there's no controlling the actual, physical T trains. When that light turns green, that T has to go. It's just the way it is. However, control can be exerted over change-payers, on many levels. A guy like me can take up the cause and proselytize against the evils of change-paying. The change-payers can hear the message and realize the error of their ways and convert. The MBTA can eliminate the change option altogether. Get my point? It is in my interest to let this issue disturb me, because from that disturbance groweth change. Pun intended.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
FNL commentary
Friday Night Lights is back, baby! It really makes me think what I've been doing for the past few Wednesday nights. Oh wait, I remember. I went and hung out with friends. Imagine that, socializing on a weeknight. Thank goodness I could bask in TV's glowing warm glow.
Full disclosure: I got mad phone calls tonight (my brother asking for some help with English homework? Could anyone have ever imagined that a degree in English would come in handy?), so I missed some key moments. Sorry, folks.
1. Street isn't good enough to be on the national murderball team? Are these coaches blind? He may be adjusting to being handicapped, but I'll tell you one thing that isn't handicapped: his leadership. There are intangible qualities that can't be measured with a stopwatch, Coach. This guy is like Captain America. He can't be stopped. Oh, wait...
2. Also, that tattoo girl (her name will come to me eventually) becomes more of a severe cutie every week. Just like every week, 24 tests my liberal ideology (ie, in real life, we really shouldn't be torturing people, while in 24 life, Jack can't put an ice pick in some terrorist's spine fast enough. It's a paradox, or something), FNL tests my views on snakery (ie, in real life, you can't cheat on your girlfriend! But in Friday Night Lights life, Lyla Garrity is kind of a ho. And everything Street touches turns to gold. So, you know, he can do what he wants).
3. Timmy Riggins, dude. He's got the kavorka. Nuff said.
4. My buddy brings up a wonderful point: do the Dillon Panthers play uh, football any more? Exactly what are those Friday Night Lights shining on? Not that teen drama doesn't entice me (and if The OC has taught me anything, it is that, in fact, it does), but come on. Football drama is something everyone can get behind.
Full disclosure: I got mad phone calls tonight (my brother asking for some help with English homework? Could anyone have ever imagined that a degree in English would come in handy?), so I missed some key moments. Sorry, folks.
1. Street isn't good enough to be on the national murderball team? Are these coaches blind? He may be adjusting to being handicapped, but I'll tell you one thing that isn't handicapped: his leadership. There are intangible qualities that can't be measured with a stopwatch, Coach. This guy is like Captain America. He can't be stopped. Oh, wait...
2. Also, that tattoo girl (her name will come to me eventually) becomes more of a severe cutie every week. Just like every week, 24 tests my liberal ideology (ie, in real life, we really shouldn't be torturing people, while in 24 life, Jack can't put an ice pick in some terrorist's spine fast enough. It's a paradox, or something), FNL tests my views on snakery (ie, in real life, you can't cheat on your girlfriend! But in Friday Night Lights life, Lyla Garrity is kind of a ho. And everything Street touches turns to gold. So, you know, he can do what he wants).
3. Timmy Riggins, dude. He's got the kavorka. Nuff said.
4. My buddy brings up a wonderful point: do the Dillon Panthers play uh, football any more? Exactly what are those Friday Night Lights shining on? Not that teen drama doesn't entice me (and if The OC has taught me anything, it is that, in fact, it does), but come on. Football drama is something everyone can get behind.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Tim le Fataliste
I understand how much of a fatalistic phenomenon sports fandom is. My roommate was born in Philly, so he's cursed to root for teams that haven't won a championship in the entire tenure of recorded history, while I was born in the heart of the tri-state, so I get to root for teams like the Yankees and the Devils. Fair? No, but thems the shakes. Of course, if you're not particularly a fan of a given sport, it doesn't make a difference, does it? Who cares what cricket team I choose to follow, and who cares if I switch teams?
And so we arrive at professional basketball. I used to root for the Knicks (because my older brother did). Then I started to root for the Nets (because, honestly, they were the better team, and going away to college caused the Jersey pride in me to germinate). Now that I'm in a new phase of my life (the quasi-autonomous semi-adult phase), I'm thinking it's time for a change. And, dearest readers, I need your help.
Here's the rationale: the Nets aren't going to be from New Jersey pretty soon, going back to the Knicks would be akin to coming home with my tail between my legs, and, like it or not, there's a little bit of Boston in my blood (just look at my driver's license). I'm not going to choose some team willy-nilly, like the Suns or the Bobcats. So I have three possible teams to choose from, and I have no idea what to do. Here's the tale of the tape.
The Nets - I can't lie, it doesn't look promising for the Nets. I always liked Jason Kidd. Now that they'll be moving to Brooklyn, and probably won't keep the Kidd, there ain't a whole lot keeping me attached to this franchise. Then again, Brooklyn is a pretty dominant spot, and the Roc will be in the building. Hopefully, the unis will be hot.
The Knicks - A safe bet to go back to, recent history aside. Dude, I remember those playoff series again the Pacers, Bulls, and Heat...those were good times. They made the playoffs for like, 14 straight seasons! We took it for granted, it's true. And some turncoats jumped ship once the sailing got rough. I'm shaking my fist menacingly at them right now. All kidding aside, the NBA's marquee franchise can't stay crappy forever, right? Right?
The Celtics - I would never root for the Red Sox, Bruins, or Patriots. But is there a huge problem with picking up the Celtics? They have a rich history, and green is my favorite color. I don't plan on living in Boston forever, and it'd be nice to keep a little piece of the Hub with me. You could never accuse me of choosing a team at the height of their success, either. Look at these jamokes: they suck.
I'll be mulling this decision for a while, so any input would be great. You all are the best.
And so we arrive at professional basketball. I used to root for the Knicks (because my older brother did). Then I started to root for the Nets (because, honestly, they were the better team, and going away to college caused the Jersey pride in me to germinate). Now that I'm in a new phase of my life (the quasi-autonomous semi-adult phase), I'm thinking it's time for a change. And, dearest readers, I need your help.
Here's the rationale: the Nets aren't going to be from New Jersey pretty soon, going back to the Knicks would be akin to coming home with my tail between my legs, and, like it or not, there's a little bit of Boston in my blood (just look at my driver's license). I'm not going to choose some team willy-nilly, like the Suns or the Bobcats. So I have three possible teams to choose from, and I have no idea what to do. Here's the tale of the tape.
The Nets - I can't lie, it doesn't look promising for the Nets. I always liked Jason Kidd. Now that they'll be moving to Brooklyn, and probably won't keep the Kidd, there ain't a whole lot keeping me attached to this franchise. Then again, Brooklyn is a pretty dominant spot, and the Roc will be in the building. Hopefully, the unis will be hot.
The Knicks - A safe bet to go back to, recent history aside. Dude, I remember those playoff series again the Pacers, Bulls, and Heat...those were good times. They made the playoffs for like, 14 straight seasons! We took it for granted, it's true. And some turncoats jumped ship once the sailing got rough. I'm shaking my fist menacingly at them right now. All kidding aside, the NBA's marquee franchise can't stay crappy forever, right? Right?
The Celtics - I would never root for the Red Sox, Bruins, or Patriots. But is there a huge problem with picking up the Celtics? They have a rich history, and green is my favorite color. I don't plan on living in Boston forever, and it'd be nice to keep a little piece of the Hub with me. You could never accuse me of choosing a team at the height of their success, either. Look at these jamokes: they suck.
I'll be mulling this decision for a while, so any input would be great. You all are the best.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Suffering from bracketosis, part 2
Is it kinda weird that this is the second part, but it's above the first part, so you'll see the first part second? I think it's weird.
East
1 North Carolina v. 16 Eastern Kentucky - You'd think that, playing in the East region, the team with East in its name would have a distinct advantage. Or maybe you would never think that. Oh well. The pick: North Carolina
8 Marquette v. 9 Michigan State - I know Marquette is good, but it makes me feel like I know what I'm talking about when I say "I'll always take the well-coached team with a superstar player in the first round." The pick: Michigan State
5 University of Southern California v. 12 Arkansas - There must be a reason why everyone is saying "Arkansas got into the tournament? Really?" I'll believe the incredulity of everyone. The pick: USC
4 Texas v. 13 New Mexico State - Bill Simmons has Kevin Durant penciled in for 74 points, 33 rebounds, and 26 assists, as well as a cure for malaria and the ability of flight. No joke. The pick: Texas
6 Vanderbilt v. 11 The George Washington University - Hmm...let's see. Tennessee was the 16th state to enter the Union, while the District of Columbia was...wait, DC isn't a state? Don't they pay taxes? Ok, good. Wait, what? The citizens of DC don't have representation in Congress? Let's throw these people a bone. The pick: George Washington
3 Washington State v. 14 Oral Roberts - As much as I'd love to choose a team named Oral Roberts to win, 14 over 3 seems kinda ludicrous. The pick: Washington State
7 The Boston College v. 10 Texas Tech - This feels like a slam dunk upset. But I would feel ghoulish to pick my own school to be upset in the first round. It's like the song goes, "I'm still the optimist, though it is hard." The pick: Boston College
2 Georgetown v. 15 Belmont - ...which will set up an epic second round "The Only Two Schools That Even Smelled Like They Wanted Me To Go There" matchup. The pick: Georgetown
South
1 Ohio State v. 16 Central Connecticut State - If you're not aware of my antagonism toward the state of Connecticutt, let this be your first taste. The pick: Ohio State
8 Brigham Young University v. 9 Xavier - Let's dispense with the mascots for a sec, and move on to religious founders. Would you really take a guy named Joe Smith over Saint Ignatius of Loyola? Get outta here. The pick: Xavier
5 Tennessee v. 12 Long Beach State - I have no idea about this matchup, but I do know that Bruce Pearl's lame all-game full-court screwed BC while he was coaching Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Nice job earning my eternal ire. The pick: Long Beach State
4 Virginia v. 13 Albany - I was in a ski lodge with a bunch of poor Vermont fans as they watched their team get beat by Albany. They seemed like cool enough dudes. This one's for you guys. The pick: Virginia
6 Louisville v. 11 Stanford - Remember that season where Stanford went like, undefeated? Did that happen, or am I just imagining it? What happened to them? They seem like they're not so good any more. Can you tell I really pay attention to this stuff? The pick: Louisville
3 Texas Agricultural and Mechanical University v. 11 University of Pennsylvania - I'm a big Acie Law IV guy. Unfortunately, I feel like his fate isn't completely in his hands. I don't mean basketball. I mean like, life. Imagine this guy grows up and has a kid. He's gotta name him Acie Law V. He doesn't have a choice. Even if he has like, ten other better names in mind, he can't undo the work of four generations that came before him. That's sad. The pick: Texas A&M
7 Nevada v. 10 Creighton - I don't like Nick Fazekas for some reason. It may be because he's been in school for like, 12 years. The pick: Creighton
2 Memphis v. 15 North Texas - How much wittier can I be at this point? I have nothing to say about either of these teams. I don't think North Texas is gonna be the team to beat Memphis. I just don't. The pick: Memphis
East
1 North Carolina v. 16 Eastern Kentucky - You'd think that, playing in the East region, the team with East in its name would have a distinct advantage. Or maybe you would never think that. Oh well. The pick: North Carolina
8 Marquette v. 9 Michigan State - I know Marquette is good, but it makes me feel like I know what I'm talking about when I say "I'll always take the well-coached team with a superstar player in the first round." The pick: Michigan State
5 University of Southern California v. 12 Arkansas - There must be a reason why everyone is saying "Arkansas got into the tournament? Really?" I'll believe the incredulity of everyone. The pick: USC
4 Texas v. 13 New Mexico State - Bill Simmons has Kevin Durant penciled in for 74 points, 33 rebounds, and 26 assists, as well as a cure for malaria and the ability of flight. No joke. The pick: Texas
6 Vanderbilt v. 11 The George Washington University - Hmm...let's see. Tennessee was the 16th state to enter the Union, while the District of Columbia was...wait, DC isn't a state? Don't they pay taxes? Ok, good. Wait, what? The citizens of DC don't have representation in Congress? Let's throw these people a bone. The pick: George Washington
3 Washington State v. 14 Oral Roberts - As much as I'd love to choose a team named Oral Roberts to win, 14 over 3 seems kinda ludicrous. The pick: Washington State
7 The Boston College v. 10 Texas Tech - This feels like a slam dunk upset. But I would feel ghoulish to pick my own school to be upset in the first round. It's like the song goes, "I'm still the optimist, though it is hard." The pick: Boston College
2 Georgetown v. 15 Belmont - ...which will set up an epic second round "The Only Two Schools That Even Smelled Like They Wanted Me To Go There" matchup. The pick: Georgetown
South
1 Ohio State v. 16 Central Connecticut State - If you're not aware of my antagonism toward the state of Connecticutt, let this be your first taste. The pick: Ohio State
8 Brigham Young University v. 9 Xavier - Let's dispense with the mascots for a sec, and move on to religious founders. Would you really take a guy named Joe Smith over Saint Ignatius of Loyola? Get outta here. The pick: Xavier
5 Tennessee v. 12 Long Beach State - I have no idea about this matchup, but I do know that Bruce Pearl's lame all-game full-court screwed BC while he was coaching Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Nice job earning my eternal ire. The pick: Long Beach State
4 Virginia v. 13 Albany - I was in a ski lodge with a bunch of poor Vermont fans as they watched their team get beat by Albany. They seemed like cool enough dudes. This one's for you guys. The pick: Virginia
6 Louisville v. 11 Stanford - Remember that season where Stanford went like, undefeated? Did that happen, or am I just imagining it? What happened to them? They seem like they're not so good any more. Can you tell I really pay attention to this stuff? The pick: Louisville
3 Texas Agricultural and Mechanical University v. 11 University of Pennsylvania - I'm a big Acie Law IV guy. Unfortunately, I feel like his fate isn't completely in his hands. I don't mean basketball. I mean like, life. Imagine this guy grows up and has a kid. He's gotta name him Acie Law V. He doesn't have a choice. Even if he has like, ten other better names in mind, he can't undo the work of four generations that came before him. That's sad. The pick: Texas A&M
7 Nevada v. 10 Creighton - I don't like Nick Fazekas for some reason. It may be because he's been in school for like, 12 years. The pick: Creighton
2 Memphis v. 15 North Texas - How much wittier can I be at this point? I have nothing to say about either of these teams. I don't think North Texas is gonna be the team to beat Memphis. I just don't. The pick: Memphis
Suffering from bracketosis
Does anyone feel confident with any pick they could possibly make in this NCAA tournament? No? I thought so.
I really have no clue, so let's go through this thing together. I'll start off by going through the 32 games of the first round, and, if I'm not exhausted by the end, we'll do the rest of the tournament.
A few guiding principles:
1) Obviously, as a dude, I have a working knowledge of college basketball, so my first instinct will be to fall back on thatwhen making a pick. But I'm no expert, so in the event that I'm stumped, I'll pick based on criterion number...
B) Which team's state ratified the Constitution first? (sorry, University of Alaska-Fairbanks). However, comma, we can all imagine a situation where two teams from the same state face off (like that much anticipated Old Dominion-Virginia Commonwealth matchup), so if that happens, we'll move to our final criterion...
3) Which team's mascot would lose in a vicious, no-holds barred street brawl? The reason I say "lose" is twofold: firstly, the whole "pick the mascot that would win in a fight thing" is hackneyed and trite, and if there's one thing I ain't, it's hackneyed and trite (says the twentysomething male writing a blog about his NCAA tournament picks). Secondly, imagine if Kansas played Kentucky. Would you really feel comfortable picking the Wildcats over the Jayhawks? The law of the jungle says you should, but the law of the hardwood says you'd be an idiot. I'm sure there's just as many conflicts the other way, but I have confidence in my Constitution-based picking mechanism.
On with the picks. Let's start with the Midwest, shall we?
1 Florida v. 16 Jackson State - Normally, my "If a school's state was conquered by the guy that the other school is named after" corollary applies, but in this case, it's superceded by the "You'd sooner see Abraham Lincoln ride into your bedroom on a rhinoceros than see a 16 beat a 1" postulate. Sorry, JSU. The pick: Florida
8 Arizona v. 9 Purdue - Hall of Fame coach versus a 9 seed that everyone admits comes from a crummy conference? You do the math. The pick: Arizona
5 Butler v. 12 Old Dominion - I remember a couple years ago when BC got jerked out of being in the tournament, but crappy Butler got in. Vengeance is mine! The pick: Old Dominion
4 Maryland v. 13 Davidson - Before we moved to the Atlantic Coast Conference, I was a big Maryland guy. They deserve my love. This one is for you, Big Kahuna. The pick: Maryland
6 Notre Dame v. 11 Winthrop - Everyone is saying that Winthrop could be this year's George Mason. My question is: does anyone remember who George Mason was "this year's" version of? I forget. And I think that means something. The pick: Notre Dame
3 Oregon v. 14 Miami (Ohio) - There's a Miami in Ohio? I guess you really do learn something every day. The pick: Oregon
7 University of Nevada-Las Vegas v. 10 Georgia Tech - A team I never pay attention to versus a team that I forgot was in the ACC until we played them in our last game of the season? Georgia Tech might be a 10-seed, but its state is a 4-seed in the Entering the Union tournament. The pick: Georgia Tech
2 Wisconsin v. 15 Texas Agricultural and Mechanical University-Corpus Christi - TAMU-CC is a nice little story, but the clock is striking midnight for this Cinderella (ugh...punch me in the face). The pick: Wisconsin
West
1 Kansas v. 16 Play-In U - Move along, folks. Nothing to see here. The pick: Kansas
8 Kentucky v. 9 Villanova - I think these guys are going to win at least one game for Tubby Smith's job. He won a national championship, people! The pick: Kentucky
5 Virginia Tech v. 12 Illinois - As my roommate just said, Virginia Tech is a very inconsistent team...just like every other team in the damn tournament. I'll pick against the team reeling from the loss of its racist mascot any day of the week. The pick: Virginia Tech
4 Southern Illinois v. 13 Holy Cross - Southern Illinois is a 4, and Virginia Tech is a 5? Did I miss something? Virginia Tech is like, a real team. Irregardless, I can't, in good conscience, pick Holy Cross for anything (unless it's a "Failing to emerge from BC's shadow" contest. Zing!) The pick: Southern Illinois
6 Duke v. 11 Virginia Commonwealth University - Picking against Duke is the trendy choice here. I'm not one to go with the trends, but come on. Duke sucked this year. And I need another upset. The pick: VCU
3 Pittsburgh v. 14 Wright State - I'm sorry, Wright State. I don't even know where you are. The pick: Pittsburgh
7 Indiana v. 10 Gonzaga - I'd love to pick another upset over here, but didn't Gonzaga just lose a guy because he used drugs? Now I'm the one who is upset. The pick: Indiana
2 University of California-Los Angeles v. 15 Weber State - Ho-hum. The pick: UCLA
Ok, I'm getting a little tired. I'm going to watch some TV and come back to finish. Stay tuned.
I really have no clue, so let's go through this thing together. I'll start off by going through the 32 games of the first round, and, if I'm not exhausted by the end, we'll do the rest of the tournament.
A few guiding principles:
1) Obviously, as a dude, I have a working knowledge of college basketball, so my first instinct will be to fall back on thatwhen making a pick. But I'm no expert, so in the event that I'm stumped, I'll pick based on criterion number...
B) Which team's state ratified the Constitution first? (sorry, University of Alaska-Fairbanks). However, comma, we can all imagine a situation where two teams from the same state face off (like that much anticipated Old Dominion-Virginia Commonwealth matchup), so if that happens, we'll move to our final criterion...
3) Which team's mascot would lose in a vicious, no-holds barred street brawl? The reason I say "lose" is twofold: firstly, the whole "pick the mascot that would win in a fight thing" is hackneyed and trite, and if there's one thing I ain't, it's hackneyed and trite (says the twentysomething male writing a blog about his NCAA tournament picks). Secondly, imagine if Kansas played Kentucky. Would you really feel comfortable picking the Wildcats over the Jayhawks? The law of the jungle says you should, but the law of the hardwood says you'd be an idiot. I'm sure there's just as many conflicts the other way, but I have confidence in my Constitution-based picking mechanism.
On with the picks. Let's start with the Midwest, shall we?
1 Florida v. 16 Jackson State - Normally, my "If a school's state was conquered by the guy that the other school is named after" corollary applies, but in this case, it's superceded by the "You'd sooner see Abraham Lincoln ride into your bedroom on a rhinoceros than see a 16 beat a 1" postulate. Sorry, JSU. The pick: Florida
8 Arizona v. 9 Purdue - Hall of Fame coach versus a 9 seed that everyone admits comes from a crummy conference? You do the math. The pick: Arizona
5 Butler v. 12 Old Dominion - I remember a couple years ago when BC got jerked out of being in the tournament, but crappy Butler got in. Vengeance is mine! The pick: Old Dominion
4 Maryland v. 13 Davidson - Before we moved to the Atlantic Coast Conference, I was a big Maryland guy. They deserve my love. This one is for you, Big Kahuna. The pick: Maryland
6 Notre Dame v. 11 Winthrop - Everyone is saying that Winthrop could be this year's George Mason. My question is: does anyone remember who George Mason was "this year's" version of? I forget. And I think that means something. The pick: Notre Dame
3 Oregon v. 14 Miami (Ohio) - There's a Miami in Ohio? I guess you really do learn something every day. The pick: Oregon
7 University of Nevada-Las Vegas v. 10 Georgia Tech - A team I never pay attention to versus a team that I forgot was in the ACC until we played them in our last game of the season? Georgia Tech might be a 10-seed, but its state is a 4-seed in the Entering the Union tournament. The pick: Georgia Tech
2 Wisconsin v. 15 Texas Agricultural and Mechanical University-Corpus Christi - TAMU-CC is a nice little story, but the clock is striking midnight for this Cinderella (ugh...punch me in the face). The pick: Wisconsin
West
1 Kansas v. 16 Play-In U - Move along, folks. Nothing to see here. The pick: Kansas
8 Kentucky v. 9 Villanova - I think these guys are going to win at least one game for Tubby Smith's job. He won a national championship, people! The pick: Kentucky
5 Virginia Tech v. 12 Illinois - As my roommate just said, Virginia Tech is a very inconsistent team...just like every other team in the damn tournament. I'll pick against the team reeling from the loss of its racist mascot any day of the week. The pick: Virginia Tech
4 Southern Illinois v. 13 Holy Cross - Southern Illinois is a 4, and Virginia Tech is a 5? Did I miss something? Virginia Tech is like, a real team. Irregardless, I can't, in good conscience, pick Holy Cross for anything (unless it's a "Failing to emerge from BC's shadow" contest. Zing!) The pick: Southern Illinois
6 Duke v. 11 Virginia Commonwealth University - Picking against Duke is the trendy choice here. I'm not one to go with the trends, but come on. Duke sucked this year. And I need another upset. The pick: VCU
3 Pittsburgh v. 14 Wright State - I'm sorry, Wright State. I don't even know where you are. The pick: Pittsburgh
7 Indiana v. 10 Gonzaga - I'd love to pick another upset over here, but didn't Gonzaga just lose a guy because he used drugs? Now I'm the one who is upset. The pick: Indiana
2 University of California-Los Angeles v. 15 Weber State - Ho-hum. The pick: UCLA
Ok, I'm getting a little tired. I'm going to watch some TV and come back to finish. Stay tuned.
Friday, March 9, 2007
Is there a mirror in your pocket?
Whenever an article of clothing fits really well, I'm suspect. My mom gave me a light wool jacket one time, and it was cut really nice. Nice, tight fit around the shoulders, tapered toward the waist...just a slick looking jacket.
It was a lady jacket! My mom bought it from the Gap for herself, and it didn't fit her, so she thought "Let me give this to my jackass kid, he won't know the difference." The joke's on you, mom. (bee-tee-dub, happy bithday tomorrow! I love you!)
Anyway, my brother gave me a box of clothes last weekend, and there's this fancy-looking pair of Banana Republic jeans. I just tried them on tonight, and here's the verdict: they're slim in the legs, low in the waist, and not very, um, forgiving, um, in the crotch area. Which leads to the inevitable question...
Am I wearing lady jeans?
I mean, it's not a big deal. I've never been one to subscribe to traditional notions of gendernormativity (just look at any of my Halloween costumes in college). However, comma, I'd just like to know, for a fact, if these are girls' jeans. For peace of mind.
Girls or guys, though, one thing is certain: these things are space pants. As in, my ass looks out of this world.
It was a lady jacket! My mom bought it from the Gap for herself, and it didn't fit her, so she thought "Let me give this to my jackass kid, he won't know the difference." The joke's on you, mom. (bee-tee-dub, happy bithday tomorrow! I love you!)
Anyway, my brother gave me a box of clothes last weekend, and there's this fancy-looking pair of Banana Republic jeans. I just tried them on tonight, and here's the verdict: they're slim in the legs, low in the waist, and not very, um, forgiving, um, in the crotch area. Which leads to the inevitable question...
Am I wearing lady jeans?
I mean, it's not a big deal. I've never been one to subscribe to traditional notions of gendernormativity (just look at any of my Halloween costumes in college). However, comma, I'd just like to know, for a fact, if these are girls' jeans. For peace of mind.
Girls or guys, though, one thing is certain: these things are space pants. As in, my ass looks out of this world.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
I blame Bush for this
He let them kill Captain America!
For real. You can kill Superman. You can cripple Batman. You can tell us that the Spider-Man we've been reading for the past 25 years was actually a clone created by the Jackal and thought to be dead while the real Spider-Man has actually been wandering the country as a vagrant but is actually not the real Spider-Man but rather a pawn in an elaborate scheme concocted by Norman Osborn who we all thought died after he killed Gwen Stacy but was actually alive and pulling strings from Europe the whole time.
But killing Captain America? How low can you go? The whole point of Captain America is that he can't be killed. I haven't read comics for several years, but there are things that always remain constant. And the unkillability of Cap is one of them. Need I remind you that this guy fought in World War II? We're supposed to believe that he can be killed? Captain America has gone toe to toe with Thanos! He's beaten the Absorbing Man, Fin Fang Foom, the entire Kree race, a Cosmic-Cube-empowered Red Skull...I could go on. For him to die (and from bullet wounds, to boot) is completely, absolutely, positively beyond a reasonable suspension of disbelief.
I know, I know. As my friend just said to me, death is immaterial in comic books. Captain America is the glue that keeps the Marvel Universe together. He'll be back. (After all, he has to live to protect Mar'vell in the Earth X future.) But it's the principle of the thing. Is nothing sacred? If Captain America can die, any of us can. It's a crazy world out there. We used to have a security blanket, and now he's gone. Sad.
For real. You can kill Superman. You can cripple Batman. You can tell us that the Spider-Man we've been reading for the past 25 years was actually a clone created by the Jackal and thought to be dead while the real Spider-Man has actually been wandering the country as a vagrant but is actually not the real Spider-Man but rather a pawn in an elaborate scheme concocted by Norman Osborn who we all thought died after he killed Gwen Stacy but was actually alive and pulling strings from Europe the whole time.
But killing Captain America? How low can you go? The whole point of Captain America is that he can't be killed. I haven't read comics for several years, but there are things that always remain constant. And the unkillability of Cap is one of them. Need I remind you that this guy fought in World War II? We're supposed to believe that he can be killed? Captain America has gone toe to toe with Thanos! He's beaten the Absorbing Man, Fin Fang Foom, the entire Kree race, a Cosmic-Cube-empowered Red Skull...I could go on. For him to die (and from bullet wounds, to boot) is completely, absolutely, positively beyond a reasonable suspension of disbelief.
I know, I know. As my friend just said to me, death is immaterial in comic books. Captain America is the glue that keeps the Marvel Universe together. He'll be back. (After all, he has to live to protect Mar'vell in the Earth X future.) But it's the principle of the thing. Is nothing sacred? If Captain America can die, any of us can. It's a crazy world out there. We used to have a security blanket, and now he's gone. Sad.
Is it bad that they're measuring in Kelvin?
To lead off, it's six degrees outside. Single digits!
I saw a news report that said that since it was like, 20-something degrees at 12:01 a.m. last night, that would be the recorded temperature for the day. My response: WTF? It was six degrees all day! Shouldn't that count for something?
This is no way to live. I thought I was going to die of exposure waiting for the train this morning. And as for people from like, Minnesota (South Canada) and Canada (Actual Canada), where it routinely dips below zero in the winter, here's my rebuttal: shut up. Six degrees is still pretty damn cold.
Yeah, I know I've been in Boston for almost five years, so I should be used to it by now. Here's a news flash: there's no getting used to six degrees. It sucked the first time, it'll suck the next time, and it'll suck the last time. I hate the weather. It's the worst
I saw a news report that said that since it was like, 20-something degrees at 12:01 a.m. last night, that would be the recorded temperature for the day. My response: WTF? It was six degrees all day! Shouldn't that count for something?
This is no way to live. I thought I was going to die of exposure waiting for the train this morning. And as for people from like, Minnesota (South Canada) and Canada (Actual Canada), where it routinely dips below zero in the winter, here's my rebuttal: shut up. Six degrees is still pretty damn cold.
Yeah, I know I've been in Boston for almost five years, so I should be used to it by now. Here's a news flash: there's no getting used to six degrees. It sucked the first time, it'll suck the next time, and it'll suck the last time. I hate the weather. It's the worst
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Machine wash cold. Rinse in stegasaurus blood.
I don't want this to become a regular thing, but it might.
My brother gave me a featherbed this weekend. He got a new mattress, and this thing didn't fit, so he gave it away. Now, I know his dog is a savage beast, and I wouldn't put it past this demon to have done some unsavory things to this featherbed, so I wanted to wash it.
In the interest of not jumping into this endeavor headstrong and cocksure, I checked out the label for washing instructions. Get this: "Tumble dry low with clean tennis balls." Pardon? Clean tennis balls? What the hell is this all about? It brings up all sorts of questions. What are these tennis balls supposed to do? Where am I supposed to get tennis balls from? What if I didn't use tennis balls? What if I used raquetballs? What if I used dirty tennis balls? Would the whole thing just combust? Tennis balls? Really?
My brother gave me a featherbed this weekend. He got a new mattress, and this thing didn't fit, so he gave it away. Now, I know his dog is a savage beast, and I wouldn't put it past this demon to have done some unsavory things to this featherbed, so I wanted to wash it.
In the interest of not jumping into this endeavor headstrong and cocksure, I checked out the label for washing instructions. Get this: "Tumble dry low with clean tennis balls." Pardon? Clean tennis balls? What the hell is this all about? It brings up all sorts of questions. What are these tennis balls supposed to do? Where am I supposed to get tennis balls from? What if I didn't use tennis balls? What if I used raquetballs? What if I used dirty tennis balls? Would the whole thing just combust? Tennis balls? Really?
Saturday, March 3, 2007
You can't spell "I'll bust your face if you don't hang up the phone" without "bus"
The good news: I'm reporting from sunny Bayonne, New Jersey, the nexus of all realities, the axis upon which our entire existence spins. The bad news: I had to take the bus to get here. Some notes:
1. Is there a more insidious enemy to the public transportation population than Nextel Direct Connect (from now on referred to as "ba-doop ba-doop")? Hearing one end of a conversation is tolerable, but both? I'm not some old man that's gonna complain about these young whipper-snappers with their cellular phones. But I am going to recognize that only a true misanthrope and sociopath has such a disregard for his fellow man as to use his ba-doop ba-doop on a crowded bus. Honestly, people. We're living in a society here!
2. They played Hitch during the trip. What a delightful flick!
3. I love when my driver takes a double-digit exit on 95 in the Bronx. It's a recipe for adventure.
4. When are they going to finish restoring the outside of the Guggenheim? It's been like, forever! I've been on the inside, and let me tell you, an upward spiral is a horrible plan for an art museum. The exterior is the only thing that place has. Move it or lose it, restoration dudes.
1. Is there a more insidious enemy to the public transportation population than Nextel Direct Connect (from now on referred to as "ba-doop ba-doop")? Hearing one end of a conversation is tolerable, but both? I'm not some old man that's gonna complain about these young whipper-snappers with their cellular phones. But I am going to recognize that only a true misanthrope and sociopath has such a disregard for his fellow man as to use his ba-doop ba-doop on a crowded bus. Honestly, people. We're living in a society here!
2. They played Hitch during the trip. What a delightful flick!
3. I love when my driver takes a double-digit exit on 95 in the Bronx. It's a recipe for adventure.
4. When are they going to finish restoring the outside of the Guggenheim? It's been like, forever! I've been on the inside, and let me tell you, an upward spiral is a horrible plan for an art museum. The exterior is the only thing that place has. Move it or lose it, restoration dudes.
Thursday, March 1, 2007
I Love That Dirty Water, part 1
Recently, the 11:30 installment of the Simpsons on Fox 25 has been superb. Right there in the meat and potatoes of this series's run. I haven't seen the garbage commissioner episode in years, but it was on the other day! And then an hour of King of the Hill afterward? Not bad. Syndicated cartoons make me love that dirty water.
Barber chair hostage crisis
I got a haircut the other day (actually, I got all of them cut. Ha! Get it? Hello? Is this thing on?), and I realized that I might never get a decent haircut ever for the rest of my life. My problem is two-fold.
Firstly, what am I supposed to even say when I sit down? "Yeah, uh, make my hair shorter?" Is there a name for the dopey, generic haircut that I have? And even if there is, does the old man cutting my hair know what it is? I don't have the heart to ask.
And B., even if I did know what to ask for, how would I know he's doing it right? I have to take my glasses off to get my hair cut. I can't see a damn thing! For real. This guy could be giving me a perm with auburn highlights, and I'd have no idea. This is the first barber I've ever had in Massachusetts, and I only picked him because he's down the block from me. In retrospect, I should have more thoroughly vetted the guy that puts all manner of blades to my scalp, but I've been lucky so far. It's only a matter of time before I get stuck with some stupid Opie haircut. Good thing I'm not in the habit of posting pictures of myself.
Firstly, what am I supposed to even say when I sit down? "Yeah, uh, make my hair shorter?" Is there a name for the dopey, generic haircut that I have? And even if there is, does the old man cutting my hair know what it is? I don't have the heart to ask.
And B., even if I did know what to ask for, how would I know he's doing it right? I have to take my glasses off to get my hair cut. I can't see a damn thing! For real. This guy could be giving me a perm with auburn highlights, and I'd have no idea. This is the first barber I've ever had in Massachusetts, and I only picked him because he's down the block from me. In retrospect, I should have more thoroughly vetted the guy that puts all manner of blades to my scalp, but I've been lucky so far. It's only a matter of time before I get stuck with some stupid Opie haircut. Good thing I'm not in the habit of posting pictures of myself.
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