Even though I only saw one movie out of every movie that was nominated for anything this year (no joke. It was The Departed), I found the 79th Annual Academy Awards to be a delightful romp. Some observations:
Note - Don't think of these observations as stale. Think of them as considered and well-reasoned. (read: I fell asleep right after the broadcast and didn't feel it was ethical to post during work. What integrity I have!)
1. We've seen plenty of brother-sister combinations in Hollywood, but have two siblings ever been such an aesthetic mismatch as Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal? She's an attractive woman, no doubt, but put her next to her dreamboat brother, and it's like Secretariat at Belmont. Thirty-one lengths!
2. Aside from the Ice Age short, which I recall seeing a commercial for, where do these animated short films get shown? Let's get these bad boys out in the theatres. We want cartoons!
3. According to Merriam-Webster, stick-to-itiveness is a word. Spelled like that. Reason Number 76,585 why that dictionary sucks.
4. I counted no less than six "wrap-it-ups" during the ceremony (not including the Al Gore one). Some people think the wrap-it-up is hilarious, and I'm sure the show's producers were cracking the whip on acceptance speeches. I think it's terrible. This poor shlub that won for best animated short might never even get invited to the Academy Awards again, let alone win. Let these people have their time in the spotlight! I'll stay up, I promise. Another example of corporate greed trumping the celebration of artistic achievement.
4a. Almost all of those wrap-it-ups came in the early portion of the show, which was front-loaded with all of the technical and writing-type awards. I'm sure someone could go back and compare speech lengths, but it seems to me like Forest Whittaker and Martin Scorcese got a little bit longer leash than the guy that won for sound mixing (and even if the times were equal, it doesn't make a difference, because it seemed to me like the heavy hitters got more time, and I'm a firm believer in perception being reality). Producers gave more leeway to the big name stars in terms of acceptance speeches? I am no longer uncynical with the film industry.
5. My disenchantment with Jessica Biel is reaching folkloric proportions. First she comes out on stage wearing a dress we just threw out of my grandmother's closet, then the Interweb tells me that she's dating Wilmer Valderrama! What happened to Derek Jeter? Jessica, your Boston College crop-top t-shirt from Summer Catch is the reason I came to Chestnut Hill in the first place. Don't break my heart by leaving the Captain.
6. I believe Leo when he tells me that Hollywood takes its obligations to society seriously. Except the obligation not to poison our children's minds with images of graphic sex and grotesque violence.
7. Explain to me how the dude from Coldplay is married to Gwyneth Paltrow. Not only is he a talentless hack, but he’s also ugly. How has he pulled the wool over so many eyes!
8. Wow, the Al Gore movie won? Whodathunkit?
9. Clint Eastwood is so badass, he could have got up there and said “Glippy gloppy glooppy goo,” and I would have said “Oh, he’s talking about Ennio Marricone!” Remember, there are two types of people in this world: people who present at the Academy Awards, and people who dig. You dig.
10. I zoned out for a while. Who won for best editing?
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