Crazy pills

Haven't done one of these in a while. These sorts of posts would be cathartic, if they weren't so wearying to the soul.

The gist: Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid announced that the Senate is withholding money earmarked for closing the prison camp at Guantanamo Bay until the Obama administration presents a plan for what will be done with the prisoners. Which has the whiff of logic about it, although the pessimist in me wonders about a chicken-or-egg stalemate occurring: "We can't appropriate the money without a plan," says the Senate; "We need the money before we can come up with a plan," says the administration. (I readily admit that that scenario doesn't really have the whiff of logic about it, but keep reading if you want to see our dear old friend logic dragged out of the bar, thrown in a puddle, and mercilessly thrashed with a couple of socks full of stoopid.)

No, treasured reader, what really bothers me is the soupy dreck that Senator Reid posited to justify his caucus's stance. I'll cut and paste an exchange at today's press conference, guest-starring an undoubtedly dumbfounded reporter (or reporters) who, if my knowledge of human nature is accurate, walked briskly home to a darkened room and quietly wept. Here's the relevant back and forth, lifted wholesale from the good folks at Think Progress:

REID: I’m saying that the United States Senate, Democrats and Republicans, do not want terrorists to be released in the United States. That’s very clear.

QUESTION: No one’s talking about releasing them. We’re talking about putting them in prison somewhere in the United States.

REID: Can’t put them in prison unless you release them.

QUESTION: Sir, are you going to clarify that a little bit? …

REID: I can’t make it any more clear than the statement I have given to you. We will never allow terrorists to be released in the United States.

Now, I can comment about the political efficacy of putting yourself in league with the Republicans. The generally smart thing to do these days, as any child, dog, or slightly damp sponge will tell you, is to run as fast as you can in the opposite direction of the GOP. But that's not my beef. My beef is that NOTHING THAT SENATOR REID SAID MAKES ANY SENSE!

It's almost as if the transfer of prisoners from one detention facility to another is a completely novel and alien concept to him. I imagine his reaction to this idea is akin to that of a Gallic serf trying to understand a fax machine. I refuse to believe that a human in the 21st century can be so stupid, so I have to assume that the majority leader is adopting right-wing talking points, which just makes him a terrible leader and, well, I guess it does make him that stupid.

I mean, honestly! If you want pornography, you look to the United States. If you want avarice so potent it can be bottled, you look to the United States. And if you want a prison-industrial state that would compel Stalin to stand up and golf clap, you look to the United States. Here's a fact sheet from Senator Jim Webb's site, outlining some of the more stunning details about prisons in the U.S. According to the King's College World Prison Brief, we've got 760 prisoners per 100,000 people, the highest rate in the world. That's 100 more than the second-place nation, for those of you who didn't click through. Those numbers are obviously inexcusable, but the point here is, locking people up is something the United States does with relish and aplomb.

But I suppose, if you were a certain type of craven torture-and-Constitution-shredding fetishist, you could rationalize not wanting to have terrorists, or guys we just assumed were terrorists and threw them in prison without a hearing, on American soil. I'll look past that, for now.

If you want my real beef, dear reader, scroll back up and re-read how Senator Reid responded to the reporter's first assertion. Actually, don't scroll up. I'll re-paste it for you:

REID: Can’t put them in prison unless you release them.

Oh, you can't, can't you? Really? Did the majority leader swish that one around first before it fell out of his mouth? It must have been all that poor reporter could do to keep from screaming "They're already in prison! There's no releasing involved!" I feel bad for everyone in the room. It would be no different if Senator Reid leaned over the podium and, with a cocky grin and arched eyebrow, authoritatively said "You know, ice cream has no bones. Purple monkey dishwasher." I know it goes without saying, but I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.