Gossip Girl is back!

Sometimes, when life is getting you down, and it seems like the whole world is weighing on your shoulders, and nothing makes sense, the light at the end of the tunnel is the only thing that keeps you going. Tonight, America was finally able to bask in that light: the season premier of Gossip Girl. I haven't decided how to treat this season on Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun, so here's a simple live blog of the proceedings.

P.S. I watch GG through the lens of Dan and Serena possessing a love that transcends reality itself. So you can imagine how the summer, after the season finale, was a burden to me. And how overjoyed I am right now.

8—Nice little recap of last season. Oh, Serena.
8:01—Nate making out with a blonde...and it's not Serena! Yes! I knew them being together was too awful to be true. And what is Chuck doing with all these hot topless ladies with that dopey hat and Popeye t-shirt?
8:04—Dan! What are you doing making out with another girl! And I know Dan is a bright guy and an undoubtedly talented writer, but what is he doing with pieces in the New Yorker? And potentially the Paris Review? That's almost as unrealistic as him juggling two non-Serena, non-Vanessa women.
8:13—No, B, S didn't have any fun with anyone all summer. She's hung up on Dan, because he's the best! Ooh, Jim drinks gin martinis. How impressive! Great line: "And if by that you mean I won't like him at all, then you're right." Yes, Chuck!
8:15—Is Rupert on tour with Lucious Jackson? Or the Breeders? Or Veruca Salt? Or Letters to Cleo? I forget.
8:20—Grandma Van der Woodsen makes another appearance. That dried up old fossil had left a wicked-witch-shaped hole in my heart! Also, doesn't that thing on B's headband look delicious?
8:28—Blair: "That Chuck Bastard!" Good! Chuck: "I'm in the mood to be right." Better!
8:36—Does anyone else find the Vitamin Water product placement to be particularly insidious here?
8:38—Huh? Is Grandma Van der Woodsen a good lady now? What happened? And how great is B's dress? It reminds me of the edge of a sheet of postage stamps.
8:48—Dan, Serena, my advice: get your heads out of your asses!
8:50—Meet you at the beach, Dan goes. This can go wrong in 100 ways in the next ten minutes. This is me, pulling my collar.
8:57—Chuck doing his best Fonzi impresonation. I l-l-l-l-l . . . And Dan, by the fire with a moleskein notebook. In a wifebeater. How Hemingway.
8:59—Is it too much to ask for Dan and Serena to kiss? Like, for real? Damn you, Gossip Girl!